Stay dark. You're doing great! It's so hard for people not to reach out, you're really doing an amazing job, I'm so impressed with your discipline and resolve. You're doing the best thing you can do for your situation right now. Be strong HopingAndPraying, we're here for you.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
I still don't understand why he has not reached out to get the rest of this things. If he just wants to be done with us, then why won't he come to get his things so that he does not have to see me until we get divorced (if that's what our end is)?
I feel like he should just make the final cut...but he won't for whatever reason that I am not aware of!
I am proud of my going dark progress. In a way it is helping me, but I don't see it helping our situation. How long have people stayed dark and then saw some kind of progress from their H or W?
M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!) EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12 H introduces OW to his fam: June H moves ALL stuff out: July
How long have people stayed dark and then saw some kind of progress from their H or W?
It seems like a month or so is where things might start to change. MWD does say something about that in her book where if you're DBing productively for a good month you will start to see some changes in your S. Obviously, every situation is different but I did see progress in my sitch after a month of going dark before H changed his mind.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
While my W hasn't ever mentioned D, it's been 7 months and she still has tons of her stuff here. Who knows why they leave it or why they wont take it... Chalk it up to another mystery of the WAS.
Don't spend too much time on the whys. As you are coming to realize, you come to very few answers.
M:28 | W:28 | T:4.5 | M:2.5 | No Children EA1 Uncovered: Jun 2011 EA2 Uncovered: 2011-09-29 S: 2011-09-29 I'm moving on: 2012-05-08 My story: http://bit.ly/K3ttPM
I try not to spend too much time because I don't get any answers from it because he has not even talked to me in about 18 days now...no contact. We've gone months without contact before, but that was because he was deployed and couldn't contact me. This is just because he wants me out of his life, but can't make the final cut??
M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!) EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12 H introduces OW to his fam: June H moves ALL stuff out: July
The reason things they do dont make sense is because they are crazy right now! They are having a MLC or breakdown or whatever. The things they do like leaving their stuff doesnt make sense cause they are confused.
Focus on yourself. Be the best H&P you can be!
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Well, WASs--we're confused too about what you're thinking! How about you let us in on your thoughts a little?!?! haha
M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!) EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12 H introduces OW to his fam: June H moves ALL stuff out: July
One explanation for their leaving their stuff behind is procrastination. They anticipate that having to ask you for it is going to be a painful conversation, or showing up to get it will make them feel badly, so unless they really, really need it, it's much easier to say they'll deal with that "tomorrow", and tomorrow keeps stretching on.
There is an opportunity there -- when they finally do reach out for their stuff and you DON'T make it unpleasant for them, you rock their world because you didn't play into all their expectations. If you're happy, help them pack up and send them off with a wave and a smile, do you think that will lead them to question their thinking? Those are the nice opportunities for the LBS.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
