Thanks, Wendy. What a beautiful mantra. I will add that to the growing collection on my bathroom mirror. As for caffeine, I stopped all caffeinated beverages and alcohol months before this started. It's almost like I knew I needed to do that because a storm was about to hit. I also really limit sugar and anything with red dye. I am really hoping that as the sleep supplement builds up that I will get back to a normal sleep pattern. This has gone on for almost five months now so it may take some time to correct. I really wish I would have taken action sooner.
Today has been a good day. I think the 5HTP is really helping. It's a beautiful day here on the west coast and I had a good time getting out and doing a little shopping. Once it cools off I'm looking forward to going for a run.
My boys played golf with my H. S15 said he really understands what's going on with my H now. He said he seems depressed and barely conversed with a stranger on the course who was trying to make small talk. We all said a prayer for him after we talked. My sons asked that I keep praying and being compassionate toward my H so that he feels safe coming home if he ever chooses to. That has been my plan all along. I'm so glad that they are starting to understand what is really going on here. That depression is at the crux of all of this. My son reminded me about a date my H and I had several weeks before he left. We were shopping after dinner and my H had me try on lots of hats and he was enjoying taking pictures of me. The next day he was showing the boys and was having fun. Something just snapped after that, although I'm sure it had been building. In the meantime, I will continue to try to get my life back on track and make the changes that need to be made. My boys complimented me on what I've done so far (less controlling, calmer) and that made me feel good. They also defended me when my H started justifying why he left. I guess he still feel the need to convince himself. Goodness, what a mess!
