My H is picking up the boys to play golf today. It hurts that I'm not going since this is something we all did together. I'm going to be gone before he gets here. He has made it clear that he is not comfortable seeing me so I am going to give him the space that he is asking for. Also, if he happens to be euphoric about a date/sex he may have had last night I will definitely pick up on that. I'm really struggling with those thoughts right now. I'm trying to tell myself that it is his way of proving his manhood, something he felt he lost in our M. Months ago he told me that if I needed a fix (can you imagine???) he wouldn't like it, but if we got back together he could except it. Was he projecting? I'm really trying hard not to get bogged down by these thoughts. I start praying when they come up. Anyway, it's one foot in front of the other today. I'm putting on a spring dress and heading out to shop for work clothes. Later I'll do another long run, soak in a hot bath and paint my toenails. Guess somewhere in there I need to put on my mom hat and do some laundry, grocery shop and cook dinner.
