What if?

[AntoniaB]

IB the only thing I can add to this is that I have completely given up on hoping or believing that XH will ever truly understand what he did and will give me a sincere apology. I just don't see it coming. When I got to the point where I gave up on hoping for that, I honestly felt a weight lift and felt like I could move on emotionally from him. I guess the way I see it is that hoping someone will acknowledge the pain they caused you is akin to still wanting some control over the situation or the person himself, and I am trying to relinquish control over people in my life and let the chips fall where they may, and let people be who they are. If they become a destructive force to me, I want detachment from them, and detachment includes not holding out the wish that someday they will wake up and apologize.

I can't explain it other than to say that getting to that point for me was like having a huge burden lifted off my shoulders. It makes my present and future wholly about me and no longer about XH, and that feels really clarifying.

I used to have this vision in my head every time I turned the corner to my house that XH's car would be parked and he'd be waiting there to finally say how sorry he was. Or I'd hear a car door slam outside and look with this expectation that it would finally be him coming to say how wrong he was. I don't have that vision anymore and that's another burden lifted.