I'm thinking on the same thing. The more time goes by, the more I remember how my needs in the marriage weren't being met, how any time I tried to talk to H about anything he'd have an excuse, how I knew absolutely nothing about his past or his inner self.
I was superficially aware of these things before, but didn't give them the weight they deserved. I loved my husband so sacrificed many of my needs. I accepted his excuses for our dismal sex life as they seemed reasonable. I accepted his refusal to talk about his past as part of who he is. Unconditional love I think they call it. I've tempered that with a strong does of objectivity.
I now know that in all of these ways he was hiding from me, as he hides from everybody. I now know that he lied about some very important things. H tried from day one to push me out of the relationship and when I wouldn't go, he did. A bit of a self-fulfilling prophesy on his part. I don't know what he's scared of, but it's his fear to face and he ain't gonna face it any time soon. If he can leave the mother of his child while pregnant, and his child at the age of seven, lie about it and never look back, he can certainly leave me and do the same. It's sad.
So now I'm ready to launch into the dating world. Next time H comes to pick up some things we're going to have a chat. I will tell him what my plans (to start dating) are and why (I'm sorry for anything I've done, I've always believed my marriage is worth saving, but I don't believe he can work through his issues and recommit). But I won't do anything until that time comes. I'll grant him the respect and transparency he didn't give me.
Not sure if this thread was meant for your experience or for people to share theirs. If the former, sorry...not meaning to hijack!! If the latter, great idea!
All the best. Life is what you make it!
me 45 H 46 T 5 M 2.5 BD Sept 6 2011 OW Sept 8 2011 Threw him out Sept 8 2011
