What is going on here... and what do I do?

[InAPickle]

Kat: "He did say he was sorry for hurting me but I know he wasn't sorry for what he did"

This kinda sums it up.
Don't hold your breath waiting for a WAS or an MLC'er to admit their wrongdoing.

People make choices that make perfect sense to THEM. It may not make any sense to the rest of the world, but it does make sense to THEM - even serial cheaters.

It is a step in the right direction if they're sorry they hurt you - if the sentiment is genuine. It's better than them being the "honey badger" (just doesn't give a sh!t).

DB'ing is about trying to move beyond such expectations of remorse and contrition, almost like pretending you've just met and their history of intimacy with all the other people they've been with before meeting you, really doesn't matter - I said almost (I understand the fantasy) but it's an analogy.

Now infidelity whether emotional or physical is of course a betrayal of trust that is understandably a deal breaker for anyone who takes vows and promises seriously. That kind of dynamic cannot be allowed to continue, so it's up to LBS'ers to determine whether or not their WAS is cabable of meeting those expectations.

Ultimately, has any new dynamic reached a point where you can trust them to choose between not wanting to hurt you over that other choice that made sense before? That demonstrates love of other over oneself. Unfortunately, there are some people you just cannot trust, and then there are some that cheating is just out of character, and for some reason it happened.

All this means is that we cannot continue to focus our thoughts and musings on our WA's. I catch myself doing it all the time, but the goal of DB is to first save ourselves and divert our gaze from our messed up spouses. In a limted sense, we have to become the "honey badger"!

hugs, pic