Please remember you are going through the grieving period of being a LBS. This is a severe emotional trauma. Remember that it takes time, and alot of it to move through these emotions.It's also 2 steps forward 3 steps back during this transition for us LBS. Do you have an EAP at your work? I suggest if you do, get into counseling for yourself. I took advantage of my EAP at work and Im so glad I did. I wish I could've gone longer, but I could not afford 125.00 a session. But it sure put my on the right track to help myself.
You and I are just alike in how we feel about being left. I too felt like I killed my marriage. I mean how else would we feel? Our husbands stood before us and told us every reason under the sun as to why they were miserable, and guess what? It's all our fault as far as they're concerned!!! We are compassionate, empathetic, and responsible people. When anyone comes to us and points out a mistake we might have made, what are we going to do by our nature? When something of this magnitude is dropped on us, it's too much to bear. Add a few co dependent issues (I've had them) on top of this, and well here we are. Rock bottom.
I take it he told you he was dating other women? Or did you find out another way? It was when I found out XH was with the OW that I hit rock bottom. I went through a PTSD period. Not sure if you're familiar with my past posts, but this OW's ex husband tried to kill my Xh 4 years ago. All in the name of an affair my Xh denied ever having with her.
I then went through the insomnia and adrenaline blasts that you're going through right now. I would go like that for 2 -3 days and then literally just drop of exhaustion and sleep deprivation. I had to consistently take my sleep meds before it got into my system enough to help me sleep better.
One thing that I discovered through this and still must remind myself of is that the MLcer and LBs are literally on two different planes of existence when these things happen. The MLCer's perception of the marriage and life with the LBS is significantly different and skewed compared to how we perceived it. They've also been living in this "false" reality for a very long time, probably years. And a belief is a thought that we keep thinking. So given this is what they've been feeding themselves for so long, they truly believe what they tell us.
What is so disturbing to me about all of this is how indifferent these MLCers are to our heart break. I mean they acknowledge we aren't happy and have some guilt, but truthfully they have no clue as to what we're going through. They don't have a true clue because right now they're only focused on themselves and what they can do to get where they want.
One thing you keep hearing over and over here is to GAL. In my experience, GAL is whatever you want to make it. But first and foremost I feel a person has to go through a certain amount of grieving before they're even able to start GAL things. Don't push yourself to start doing all these things to GAL unless you're ready to and want to. For me, I just had to let a certain amount of grief go by before I could even entertain the thought of leaving the house. In my case when Im horribly stressed, I become agoraphobic and have panic attacks. I need to be in my safety zone unless it's necessary and I can't be. So for me getting out and just walking around the block was a challenge. Going to the store, or just taking the kids to the park was not do able or only for a few minutes then i had to be home.
If the MLCer ever starts to see things in our point of view, it will only be after the MLC has run a good part of the course, and reality has smacked them upside the head a few times. Life always finds a way, and I feel that standing back and letting nature take its course is always the best teacher. It's just extremely frustrating to stand back and wait for it to happen. But it always does.
