Fair enough Dbmod but I think Starsky's point is that
in this situation, with the history behind it, there is a difference....Navy has gone 3 YEARS with barely a kind word or touch...
HE HAS given and changed A LOT...and she has worsened!
All this change for him, for "crimes" he committed years ago that are soooo minor that it never warranted this type of reaction from his wife. (We're talking "he neglected her and didn't help around the house enough and paid too much attention to his computer..." So in sum, he was on the selfish side. NO gambling or subtsance abuse or OW or temper stuff...in the grand scheme of things,
his offenses were in the "normal" range AND that's probably why his changes were not impossible to make. Fundamentally he's a fine man.
She has some bad childhood issues
(Navy I don't know if you realize this but her childhood crap isn't that unusual. MY dad was abusive and violent and we had a wacky childhood...I went to therapy and a workshop and I got better. I CONFESS to being sensitive to some feminist stuff b/c my brothers were better treated, e.g., they had no curfews whereas my sisters and I did...but none of that affected my MARRIAGE...good grief)
IMO, Navy's wife is a female abuser. She rejects him physically about 360 days a year if my understanding is accurate, she reams him a new one for nothing, she compares him to every other lousy male example, She is a depressed morose woman to be around, and she STILL blames him for HER misery...
HE does all the work in the marriage and in the home...she does none in either. So the only way I can see for HIM to change NOW
is to make it super clear to her that HIS days with HER are numbered...
UNLESS something in the way SHE treats HIM, changes.
NAVY---What do YOU think it'll take for HER to get that message?
AND, once she does get the message that you are out of there without some real effort on her part
is it your fear that she'll simply not care to do a darn thing?
IF so, so what? The real question is
What's different about that, than what is going on now?
--I'll tell you what could be different-- SHE would not be holding all the cards and YOU would NOT be stuck in a hellish limbo forever...teaching your kids that m stinks...and you decide to get off this crazy loop & take the exit ramp to a new life-
OR she changes.
This is not easy, but you know what? It's really not all that complicated now.
Don't forget who you are and that you deserve much better.
Someday, you'll receive much better, and it'll be so wonderful to give yourself fully to someone who happily receives it, and happily reciprocates.
Take the exit ramp Navy...you never know, maybe SHE'LL follow...but if not, you'll be a new place that's better than where you are now.
(((( ))))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
