Kids are asleep in the backseat. I'm at Hs 5yo cousins bday party. H is at a wedding I was disinvited to. So why am I here?

I struggled to get here (to get out of the car). What pushed me to move one foot in front of the other is what got me to DB in the first place, I need to put as much effort into it until I can walk away knowing I gave it my all.

My 180 is improving my relationship w Hs family. It's much better than before but I feel myself struggling because it's been 9mos n no R talk in sight.

He lingers more at my house. Last night he stayed to watch Lion King w S3 while I minded my business cleaning. Tomorrow he said, "I'll do yardworking n hangout here. We can order pizza." I answer "sure" like it was no big deal. This is the 3rd time he lingers this long in a week. All it means is that he feels comfortable. Good.

So I keep on going. But aunt flo came today and it doesn't help w my emotions. Missed call from him. I'm leaving cell behind. How could he be at a wedding without us? So don't call me!! U want ur freedom? Well run w it!
I should get out of the car now. Until next week...


M 42 H 39
T10 (-2yrs separation)
S8 D5
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciled 6/2013
Separation in works 1/2017