here it is: "As I have been working on myself, I realize that I do not express my feelings. I have been reading a lot. Other people feel similar to how I feel. This is how our relationship made me feel.
I censored my thoughts and feelings. I was afraid of your emotional reactions, so I swallowed my hurt and anger.
Criticism. No matter how hard I tried nothing ever felt good enough. Controlling. I felt manipulated and controlled. Dr. Jekyll and Ms Hyde. One minute you are kind and loving, the next your flipping out. My feelings don't count. I usually never expressed my needs and feelings, but if I did they were minimized or dismissed. EXAGGERATED version of reality. Walking on eggshells. One misstep can set you off.
As we were walking out he says. Ok, let's figure out the finances now that I am moving.
Hi FFI, I hope you don't mind but I edited out some bits from your original quote, just to highlight the very same things my H told me. So, yeah, it was all there.
Since then, (and even during our time together) his P/A was always there - and it grew over the years. He was quite capable of expressing himself with friends and strangers, but not at home. He blames me for that - to an extent I can take responsibility for my own outbursts and I have been working on it.
But let me also say that over the years when he had one of his own criticisms of me, I would work on it.
These P/A men do need to do work on themselves too, and I believe the best way is through distancing yourself. I find that's the one that works the best for me (when I have been consistent).
