Which reminds me of one more thing if she is using the divorce card to win fights, you seriously need to call her bluff.
If she does it again immediately walk away. Refuse to talk to her until she comes down, and pretty much stay away until she either reaches out to you or demands to know why you are shunning her.
Then tell her this:
"you threatening me with a divorce is the worst thing you could do to me, it is quite gut wrenching emotionally, if this keeps going on things will not work out for us, and we'll never find peace. So I need some space to think"
GB, I've agreed with just about everything else you've advised to Navy, but have to agree with this part ^^^. I think the way you've phrased this conveys emotional WEAKNESS, and would only PERPETUATE his wife knowing that she can use the threat of divorce as a weapon against Navy. I think he'd be far better off saying something like:
"Look, this is now something like the tenth time you've threatened divorce, and you know what? Knock yourself out, because I've done a lot of thinking and I've decided that this isn't working for me either. If you're going to do it, then DO it, or I will, but this is the last time I'm going to simply TALK about it."
And then walk away.
Starsky
you guys are on the right track.
My input:
Quote:
Look, this is now something like the tenth time you've threatened divorce, and you know what? Knock yourself out, because I've done a lot of thinking and I've decided that this isn't working for me either.
Then DO the second half of what Starsky said without the words.
This is 'shock and awe'. This is doing something different. This is AFTER THE LAST RESORT technique. This is something for which you have to be prepared for the consequences.
If you want to save your marriage....
You go dark here, dark enough not to initiate a damn thing. And you center. You figure out WHAT IT IS that you must change....because something MUST STILL CHANGE if you want to save your marriage. It isn't just her.
And then you do that (you judge your results by her actions).
And then, if she's responding.....you take her back very very slowly, so you get the changes YOU want. So your relationship grows.
