2TP - First, let me say that I am stoked that my mind goes there from time to time and gets lost in fear and insecurity. In posting it, I am trying to adhere to my policy of being as honest as I can - though it is often embarrassing. That said, I will take an equally honest stab at answering the questions you posed.
1. Why would these friends influence be any different
I perceive it that way (perhaps erroneously) because they are her oldest friends, dating back to middle school practically. It's quite literally her inner-inner circle in many regards. They have gone out of their way before to try to set her up with other people while we were dating. So in my head (I'll repeat - in my head) I have a hard time imagining that they would be supportive of me or our marriage in these circumstances.
2. Why do I keep letting my mind go to dark scary place?
It is happening less and less, but I do get lost in my head and anxiety from time to time. Just plain old fear of the unknown future and losing my family. It has gotten better over time, but I am not 100% through it yet. Working on it.
Embarrassing to admit ^^^^, but true. Still I am proud of the progress that I have made and the work I have done so far. I have exercised a lot of the negative thoughts, but there are still elements of the divorce that I am terrified of and struggling to grasp.
The positives outweigh the negatives, but I am still trying to get the negatives out of my mind.
