Today I'm going to track down some natural remedies to help with insomnia and depression. Until I get myself under control I'm not going to be able to see my situation clearly. I can't stop crying and I'm just overwhelmed with guilt and grief. I keep thinking if only I had worked, been less controlling, etc. my family would be in tact. I can't go back and change things. I have apologized, expressed deep remorse and asked for forgiveness. All I can do now is move forward and continue to work on myself. In the meantime, my H seems to be putting on this persona that he's wealthy. Apparently, he wears flashy jewelry (never did before) to go along with his Mercedes convertible (a purchase he made years go without discussing it with me). He's also cut his hair differently, lost weight and wears new clothes, etc. I keep getting a credit card bill every month on a card that use to have a zero balance. I don't open the statement since I'm not on the card, but I can tell there are several pages. So, if money was a trigger for leaving why is he buying jewelry and running up a new bill? Why is he creating this false front? Why is financial success (even if it's a farce) so important to him and why would he want to attract women that way? I would think mostly younger, inexperienced women would fall for all of that. So, once he hooks one of them, then what? It's all a lie. Also, how do you build a relationship when a false front was the attraction? This is all so unbelievable to me. Does he really feel so terrible about himself that he is creating this new imagine that he can feel proud of? In the meantime, somehow I have to start fighting back (not for him, but for me) and make myself into the best, most loveable person I can be.
