Fussing continues around dancing, yet it seems like we're striving for connection. She got upset with me last night at the ballroom venue, because I wasn't being receptive to her feedback. I admit that I'm not always open to it. She stated that I wasn't treating her well so left the event about an hour into it to get a bite to eat. I chose to "hold onto myself" and stayed to finish the evening. I told her that I needed to stay for a minimum of two hours to get enough instruction, practice and our money's worth. It also keeps her from abruptly ending the evening on a whim and balances her power.
When we got home later that night, she told me that our partnership is more important to her than dancing with other people. I've never heard this before. My impression was that she rated her evenings by the number of dances she got. She wants to be able to give me feedback, and for me to be responsive to that. Now that she's made that clear, it's up to me to figure out how to work with it.
I've told her that I have to practice ballroom dancing at least weekly, otherwise it's a waste of time and money to take lessons. She can make whatever arrangements she wants to make that evening work for her (separate cars, take a night off). I go to Salsa venues two nights per week with her. I'm starting to reconnect with that communiity, and improve my Salsa. I want to maintain a balance between Salsa and ballroom, and it's only going to happen if I take the lead.
CL
CL, this is just about the strongest post I've ever read from you. Kind (but firm) boundary-setting, living your own life and not allowing your wife's "fussiness" to ruin your evening and sidetrack your goals, yet maintain good communication with her without "eggshell walking."
Nicely done, sir!!!
Starsky
P.S. I bet she found the way you handled the evening very attractive.
