Sorry for disappearing, I guess I needed to lick my wounds, and face my fears!
But one thing I did realize...at least for me right now...staying off the bb is not good...I end up feeling further alienated...
I really need some support.
JJ....
I'm not hearing how others are handling the problem with the double edged sword... any takers??
Livinlearn and Dragonflie: Next issue.....My H did an abrupt dissappearing act on August 12 and did not resurface until November 9-13 when in a very unexpected turn of events he wanted to spend a fourteen hour day with me that then turned into a weekend!
There was emotional, spiritual and physical reconnection at that time....
I had written several letters immediately before this happened and thought that my expresssion of my understanding of what he had been going through was what prompted his reappearance and there was a revealing in the hotel room, that weekend, that he had indeed been an emotional wreck, he was in counceling, he loved me and he definitely was planning on our future together. Also a statement was made that there had been no one else (PA) during his abscence and I believed him. So to answer your question ...Yes, other people's spouses have done like yours and just up and left.
BUT....
I haven't gotten any further, DIRECT explanation of what he was thinking during that time and I find this to be a bit tough to deal with.
I know there was a lot of guilt about losing his job, there was uncertainty about our finances, the kids, the house, about lawsuits that were in the offing and also in the mix are his long term health issues, he's really not liking middle age...he hates the wrinkles, the grey hair, the breakdown of his physical abilities that he always prided himself on, the decline of his relationships with his children.....I just have had to be patient and hope that at some point he will open up even more...but I'm beginning to think he doesn't believe he owes me an explaination for that time, almost like he thinks I already know! or that there doesn't even needs to be one!
I am trying to concentrate on now.
Let the past go.
But there were consequences to what he did and he will not FULLY acknowledge them. Example: the kids are all very uncertain about his reliability. Their relationships are just so-so and he knows this. Our finances are in the @#$% as they say...We are about to file bankruptcy...which was okay with me but lately (the last week) he is beginning to blame ME!(My lack of good solid employment for the last 10 years, I stayed home and raised the kids until they were in high school, and then I only had low paying jobs.)
I sought out legal help during his time out and now the lawyer has brought up many issues I had never thought about that are making this bankruptcy a little suspect....fear he just wants to get out from under, but he swears it's to give us a new start.
So Livnlearn I agree with you that a sesion with a councelor to try and clarify some of what went on in Dragonflies H absence makes sense.
