[InAPickle]

Alby, I think we've all made similar mistakes. It's normal; that shouldn't require an explaination. When you've been rejected, hurt, betrayed, disappointed, whatever, the normal reaction is fear of a very different, scary future than we were expecting and frantically trying to stop the bleeding.

The thing now is deciding whether to remain embroiled in a particular emotional situation or to move forward. Whether we reconcile or divorce, we all had/have to move forward sooner or later; there's no other choice.

It helps to get your emotions under control by detaching, which should be the first order of business for most LBS'ers.

I posted the following in another thread and someone liked it, so it may help you.

"Detachment is a two edged sword. It means you have to sever your emotional connection to your WAS to a certain extent. His/her choices, actions, words have to no longer dictate whether or not you're going to be happy, angry or sad. The hardest part perhaps is deciding that you can be happy without him/her.

I know, it sounds like giving up, but there is a liberation to it. It actually makes it easier for you to work on the things that you want, objectivly, patiently and with a purpose. Remember that there are no guarantees. The only outcome you really want is for you to be happy again.

You can imagine that happiness with him/her in a flourishing marriage. But can you imagine a different outcome? This is the beginning of detachment. you say to yourself someone else is not going to dictate my emotionl state of being.

We've all been here. We've all been basket cases, hurt and in pain, embarassed, betrayed and feeling like failures. But in the end you've got to get to a place of peace and back in control of your emotions. The tools are GAL and taking good care of yourself. It takes time and is not an easy journey."

Once you find that place of relative tranquility, you can objectively "decide" to forgive or not, without dragging your emotional baggage into the decision. Whether or not your WAS forgives you is another one of those choices of "theirs" that you have no control over and mustn't obsess about. You did what you did; it's time to move FORWARD and only learn from past mistakes.

Take care of yourself first and give things time. Remember, forgiveness is easy; it's the forgetting that's tough. That's why these things take time. Don't wear yourself out trying to stop the bleeding.

Pic.