Quote: and it has been suggested that he came back too fast... after leaving abruptly and that is a red flag. Sigh.
I really hope I didn't come across as dumping a whole lot of negativity on you when I posted to your thread about your H returning very suddenly. It was not intended to get you down, I was just thinking out loud and I have to restate, that I am no expert!!
Quote: I don't know. I always trust what he says, but then I ck up on him in these little ways and have nagging doubts. So I guess the trust isn't there right now, and shouldnt be. It takes time and earning the trust.
There's a really good example in either DB or DR about how a couple got around the need for W to hear about OW and why H left, and for H to feel there would be some end to the constant questioning and need for assurances. They were told to set aside an hour twice a week for a sesssion of questions/reassurances to be aired, and nothing to be said on the subject outside this time. After only the first session, which H voluntarily allowed to go over the hour limit, W suddenly found she didn't have a need to question any more! W felt her conerns had been acknowledged and addressed, and H felt that because this process was limited, he could open up more and not be defensive. Of course, all this happened AFTER H acknowledged that there had been OW etc.
Maybe you should give H a 'holiday', but then later on request him to set aside a session - with a councellor? - to discuss what it was that prompted him to up and leave without warning? Everyone, is that a bad idea?
Dragonflie, from your posts I get the feeling that your H 'demands' total honesty from you, but is not so keen to be equally open with you. Just my feeling. Maybe you should call him on that?
Quote: Good news- we went to church together sunday, he was welcomed back with lots of hugs and praise to God. I know that returning to church he had left would be stressful, some men wouldnt do it at all.
Indeed, that is a huge plus, that he was willing to swallow his pride and return.
My H was so cocky, all swagger and bragging after he left, it made me and some of our common friends wince. He went around telling folk that at last he was FREE and there would be MANY CHANGES in his life, oh yes there would! Well, IF he comes back now, that would be quite a climb down...
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
