Golf Mom, If you lived close by I would invite you over to my house for coffee and a good crying session. Along with a long talk. I feel for you so much, because your sitch is darn near identical to mine in so many ways.
I've felt exactly what you're going through and still do to this day! Being slammed into single parenthood is not fun. You think you can handle it especially after being a SAHM for many years. My Xh slept all day and worked all night, so for the most part I was a single mom even though I was married. But it's still hard, because Xh is not here to talk to about the kids. I also have made the choice not to speak to him about the kids unless it's necessary. So I find myself facing some things completely without him, but I just get through it. It's a learning lesson.
I've come home day after day for an entire year ( up until the last 2 months) to go stay in my room and cry or just be still and let the pain wash over me. Working was a struggle with this being on my mind all the time. It has worn me out. Keeping up the professional face and pace, while inside you're dealing with the searing emotional pain. Coming home to our children is bittersweet. It's a comfort to have them and a joy to be with them, yet meeting their needs under such stress is hard and even adds to the stress more. Then the steps of divorce, meeting with the attorneys, paper work, etc. Watching our marriages come apart, piece, by piece, by piece. Memories, good and bad.
I know, I really really do. The only advice I can give is ONE DAY AT A TIME. Sometimes ONE MINUTE AT A TIME. There were times I just wished I were dead, I really did.
My divorce is final. I made it. It was the hardest thing I have ever gone through. But I did make it, and I am so much better for it. Im still walking, still learning, and still hurting a little bit at times too. I got myself through it, and my kids. And the only way I did it was one day at a time.
