I guess I can be here now 2

[KenF]

DueinMay,
i've been catching up, but in a dark place myself so its been tough.

i agree with Figgeroni. i understand you're angry and frustrated and everything else, but each time you mention H is negative. always negative.

you gloss over how much effort he actually makes towards you, but where is your effort towards him? i see your effort towards yourself, towards what you need, what you want, what you demand of him.

i see a lot of conditional mile-markers, for a lack of better word, "If i knew this THEN i could ..." "If he did this THEN i could..." etc.

which you had done before when he didnt say "I love you" at the time you wanted him to, and then when he finally did say it, you made excuses why it was meaningless.

i'm sensitive to projectionism, because i've done that myself. maybe i seem projectionism in everything.

so i feel as if you're projecting your feelings on him. you call him depressed, but you're also depressed.

you mentioned how his presence changes the dynamics of the T session, but how does your presence change his dynamics in T? I know for me, i shut down during confrontations. its a strong emotion that causes me to blank out, i lose all ability to communicate. fight or flight. i think your presence may cause him to do the same.