My Story/Mixed Messages...

[2012sf]

He actually just called and he has decided to drive an hour and a half to his brother's house and stay there tonight and then leave early in the morning to come back and spend the day with me and the kids before he has to nap and work that evening. He called to discuss it with me actually whether it would be a good idea or not. He feels bad not getting back to see the kids tonight. I encouraged him to go to his brother's house though and to enjoy the evening there, since he doesn't often leave and do things like that just for fun. I even told him I put some extra money in the joint account in case he needed it for gas, cash, whatever. Sounds like I am doing things supportively and being pretty casual about it right?

We only talked about 5 minutes, he gave me a quick re-cap on his evening and told me how his friend was, and we said we'd talk more about it and catch up in person later. He was driving. I am really having to struggle with the patience thing in all of this. I just keep hoping to have some big break through. Or even just hear him say he is taking divorce off the table and truly just being separated and seeing where things go. I hadn't heard the whole divorce talk until April 20th, but I completely believe when he moved out February 2nd, he skipped the we are separated and working on things in his mind and he was setting up everything separately and moving towards a divorce. He thinks once a divorce is official and everything is separated, final, it will take a level of pressure off and things are going to get so much more relaxed and easier on everyone. I think that is crazy. If anything it is going to get worse, because the kids are going to be more upset, I am going to have a new baby and the kids, no job, and be trying to figure out how to juggle all of that and get it together to finish my school to get a good job. He isn't going to be my favorite person at that point. He is still going to be having his internal struggle and trying to figure out why he isn't completely happy, because while I know we have relationship issues to work out, it isn't the complete cause of his unhappiness right now. He has just pinned it all on me. It is so frustrating.