Picking up where we left off . . . I'm OnMyWay

[OnMyWay]

I'm a little confused by your reply.

What does having learned something from your EA have to do with planned future contact with her?

It seems to me that you are defending your choice to get involved with women while you were separated. But that's not what I was writing about. Maybe it was a good idea to date, maybe not. I have no idea. I don't know your sitch.

What I was saying is that it is not OK to continue contact with the EA in any form if you are making the choice to be open to reconciliation. Future contact with EA, even countenancing it, is toxic to your M. The question isn't whether your previous actions were justified or not. The question is simply this: Is it OK to continue interaction with your EA in the context of your M? The very straightforward answer is this: No.

If you are adamant that you will continue contact with your EA, the only other real choice is to make her a friend of your wife and your marriage. Have her over for dinner. Include W in any email to her. And so on. My guess is that this wouldn't go over very well with W or EA, which alone should convince you that EA should not be in your life in any way.

Thanks for clarifying, oldtimer. I believe we are indeed talking about two different things and I didn't fully understand your point, as I was looking at this from the point of view that I no longer have an EA with the OW.

Also, I have no communication with the OW outside of our one transaction. It is 11:59 and it is almost done. Dropping out now is not as financially feasible for me as is just getting it done and having a new day tomorrow with this chapter of my life closed. My wife agrees. Should she change her mind, I'm open to her seeing what few to-the-point communications there are. I'm not hiding anything. So, I feel we are discussing something with regards to the OW that has little baring. Now, the fact that I used the EA in a sitch with my W is well open to interpretation - I have reread you comments on that and feel you are right on the money about those motivations. That is of far more importance to me as in my sitch, my main goal is currently to attain greater understanding of my W and myself.

I do completely agree that there is no room for an EA within any marriage. Now, if my wife would have the same realization about her OM, we could move in a different direction, but that is my placing a judgement on our sitch and is admittedly my spin for my own personal edification.

Thanks for the follow up.