My Story So Far. Is this even worth saving?

[timbits]

thank you so much. that really made a difference to my day. i hope that joy will be here again some day, too. h is struggling with his depression and anxiety again this week. he forgot he was still subscribed to ow's blog and got an alert email that she updated it. he has since unsubscribed, but he feels intense shame over what happened (which i guess is a good thing right now) and it just threw him into a tail spin. it doesn't help that his ic is on vacation for another two weeks. i tried really hard to support him, but not take his depression on for myself.

sometimes i feel really hopeless. we went to a friend's last night and i got kind of irritated with h. while we were there, we both seemed to be having a good time and suddenly, when it was just the two of us, he shows me his forearm and that he has cut himself again. i just looked at him and he said, "well, you'd probably see it yourself eventually anyway". honestly, it just rubbed me the wrong way. it made me feel like he was trying to punish me for having a good time. when we were leaving, i told him not to put me on the spot like that. it's not like i could really discuss it with him there and that it wasn't fair and put a huge damper on my evening. he apologized, but i'm still kind of annoyed with the entire situation.

instead of getting annoyed with him, i just dropped it after i told him not to do something like that again. i'm kind of pretending it didn't happen. i just need to keep happy thoughts until my own ic appointment next week.

thanks for saying that joy will be in my life again. i tend to be an upbeat person and fairly happy in general. yeah, i've had depression on occasion, but i feel like his is sucking me into a black hole.