What you would be looking for is more key language such as:
+ I love you and I would like to go to MC and fix our M
Or something like that...
Until then... he could just be trying to look good in the eyes of others...
Don't get me wrong, I think it was a good conversation... but there was no real substance... no real strategy to grow back together...
And as others have witnessed and experienced... it could just be a test to see if you can still be sucked in... to see if you are still there, in case he changes his mind...
If he thinks you are still there... that you are still pursuing him... then he can't really miss you...
What you would be looking for is more key language such as:
+ I love you and I would like to go to MC and fix our M
Or something like that...
Until then... he could just be trying to look good in the eyes of others...
Don't get me wrong, I think it was a good conversation... but there was no real substance... no real strategy to grow back together...
And as others have witnessed and experienced... it could just be a test to see if you can still be sucked in... to see if you are still there, in case he changes his mind...
If he thinks you are still there... that you are still pursuing him... then he can't really miss you...
Gotcha. Thanks for that.
Yes, there was nothing along the lines of 'let's MC' or anything that clear. I honestly don't expect that at all because he's never been a straightforward person. So yeah, gotta keep focussing on myself. I admit at one point this evening, it did cross my mind to step back a bit. So yeah, thanks for the heads-up.
I had a chat with a friend of mine tonight about her lingering D woes. Her D happened 5 years ago and there is still fallout she's handling. Anyway, she said the sweetest thing. She was like, "You have been so patient, and you have worked so hard, and you've made so many changes. I really hope that whatever happens, it will be the best for you."
I have been working hard on letting go of my resentments toward my H and I feel like I have done a good job of letting go of most of them. None of them have been resolved but I realized that by holding onto the anger and resentments I was holding onto from the past was just hurting me. He wasn't bothered that I was angry and resentful it was only affecting me. Not saying I don't have moments of anger now but I am trying to push them away and remind myself that H is the one losing out that I am the one with our beautiful boys and I am not missing 1 second of their lives like he is.
Hi everyone - it's been a couple of days since I posted. I have been really busy with Uni and my move.
It went well today - all day long moving and organising. It went really well. As usual, we worked very well together, and did a very good job. He was helping out from 730am, all the way through to late into the night. We worked hard and long - and did well together.
The only thing that kind of made my toes cringe was that he came across all my DB books!!!! All my relationship books and so forth. Even a book by MWD with the title, "Get your man to do anything you want...without him knowing it." YIKES!!! How embarrassing is that! I feel like I just lost a whole month on that being discovered. He didn't say anything about it at all, but he stacked my books up on my shelf and didn't say a word.
that would make me agonize for a while too. i make a point of hiding all that stuff before s gets back here every week.
on the other hand - i'm a believer that things like that always happen for a good reason- the universe just does that, you know.
maybe it will make him curious and he'll go read one of them and find out that there are ways to get his needs met, and also become aware that you have needs too, and that if you follow the good advice, it's actually possible to be happy together
glad your move went well yankee - hope you love your new place:)
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
Zig, well you managed to flip-it really well. Maybe he will see it positively.
Making sure he didn't see them was on my mind all day and I thought I was pretty secure when I said, "Ok, I'll take care of the bedroom, and you can take care of the living room". I thought - 'whew, all the boxes are still there and haven't been opened.' Then, I started unpacking and somehow all those particular books were already unpacked. We had around 50 boxes too so how he 'happened' to get the box as one of the first ones with those in them is clearly a universe thing.
But maybe you are right. Maybe he will look into getting the Divorce Busting one.
Ok, well, what's done is done. I shall spread some white light and see what happens.
That's the best way to look at this situation YC! Hopefully he will just see the books for what they represent. For you they represent the guidance to grow, heal and relate better to others, which could benefit your R with your H, but will definitely make you a stronger and more rounded person, which benefits everyone in your life, especially YOU!
By the way just out of curiosity has anybody's WAS ever busted you? I mean uncovered your threads and read all your comments about your R issues? If so, I'd like to know how it turned out, because that's a risk we take being on this forum.
Anyone speaking from experience or just offering a hypothetical opinion will be much appreciated.
Bill
Me 34 W 32 D 9 S 6 M: 9 years T: 12 Bomb: 02/11/12 EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing Moved out: Oct 2012 Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13
You know Bill - I think I will look at it in that positive way.
Yes, it certainly has entered my mind if ever my WAS found this thread what I would say or feel like. I'd feel mortified initially, and then would just come clean. What else would there to be to do? But what they would do I have nooo clue - especially those venting bits - oooh, not good.
I wonder though if anyone other WAS found it - or if they are even bothered to look for it. I mean, most just want to run 1000 miles away from the spouse anyway, so I doubt they care too much. However, if there is a sensitive initial reconciliation timeframe, it could be a bit touchy.
