Parenting with an MLCer (and other things ) Part 2

[AJM]

Im struggling with GAL. Im really, really stuck! You know the majority of my social circle was Xh family. That has all changed, nothing is the same between all of us anymore. No friends to do anything with, no family around, a job that [censored] the life out of me, and only my kids to hang around with. I enjoy doing things with my kids, but I don't want to them to feel like a crutch for entertainment for me.

Funny, I was just reflecting on this very concept earlier today. When this all hit several years ago, I too had no other social outlets. I was so focused on my family that I was doing so the exclusion of the other facets in my life. Then one day it hit me: I'm in the process of an unasked for refocusing in my life. I was given a chance to reconnect. To seek out and build new friendships and relationships. I had been sucked into the vortex of trying to save my marriage alone (I went willingly and would do so again.) It's not unlike a prisoner who is suddenly let free and has to adapt. They sometimes prefer the comfort of the cage, so to speak. I think that's mostly because it's familiar. The devil they know, right?
What really helped me was to see that. A friend of mine once commented that I should always get out, even if I didn't want to. I found that I should get out and be around people or doing something especially during those times I didn't want to.

What really sank in is that I have a chance to do things alone. That was scary at first. Empowering after that. I have nobody to answer to but me. My kids depend on me (my daughter now lives with her mother and doesn't speak to me, but that was after and it wasn't because of me per se.)

All in all, time doesn't heal on it's own. But it does give us the chance to change. The chance to adapt. The chance to rebuild ourselves into somebody we like and not somebody so consumed by things we cannot control that we go mad and cast away those around us.

It starts with that first step. That first minor change. You don't move a river all at once, but with one small shovel full of dirt at a time. Before you know it, you have built a new path and redirected that river.

There is no right or wrong way to do that. No clear path that magically appears. One step in the direction and it eventually leads you out of the fog and into clear fields. Sunny days. You become..you. Nothing more, nothing less.

One small step after another takes you forward.

Make sense? No magic pill. No magic teleportation device that will take you there and end the pain. Once small step after another after another after another....unitl the elusive "why" no longer holds the importance it once did.

While he tries to fix himself, you need to save yourself and exit the fog. You need to move to do that. One small step at a time. Doing things outside what you were used to. Not big things. You don't have to jump from an airplane to get a thrill (although it can be fun if not pushed )


AJ