My Story/Mixed Messages...

[2012sf]

Thought I would come journal on here and see if I could stop the obsessing I seem to do about my marriage. I have really got to be able to stop and be patient. I am terrible at it. I get panicky and things just go downhill from there.

My husband left this morning on an overnight trip about 5 hours away to go see an old Army buddy that he hasn't saw in about 4 years. He'll be back tomorrow sometime. Yesterday he came over to get the kids and take them to his house to stay the night and he told me he was planning to do that and kind of was feeling me out to see if it was okay I think. I was very positive, tried not to be over the top, but really acted pleased for him and encouraging that it would be a good thing. One of the things he has said to me before was that he felt he had cut off his old friends because of me and didn't ever do anything on his own or plan anything on his own. All our current friends are friends of mine that we do stuff with. Anyway, I tried to keep everything good and positive and we made plans for him to come over this morning to have breakfast after he dropped off the kids at school and before he left town.I did initiate the invite for breakfast, which I know is against the rules, but we do that kind of thing when we won't see each other for a bit and he enjoys it too. We do good with casual and quick, as long as there isn't an overstepping of the friends line.

I ended up running to the store last night and I bought a little bag of travel things I know he likes, jerky, sunflower seeds, reese's pieces, and a Dove bar to send with him. This morning he came over and I made Chorizo, with a few sides, we talked, and it was a very pleasant breakfast I think. I am consciously trying to hold back and not be too excited or too touching/affectionate after reading the boards so that I let him start feeling more relaxed and like he isn't constantly fighting me about our limits in our relationship. I offered my car for him to drive, which he took me up on (it's newer/better for travel), and I had even looked up some conversation ideas online and brought up a few random topics that we talked about. I feel sometimes like all we talk about are the kids, work, and the house, so I am really trying to step outside the box and create a new feeling between us. We had a good morning, good conversation, and left with hugs and he said he'd text and let me know when he gets to their house, etc.

I know it was all good, the entire interaction was positive, it's just now that I have to fight the whole patience thing and not get carried away in my mind and over think things, start worrying about the future, get frustrated over what wasn't in there, and I need to just be happy we are able to have a happy breakfast with good conversation, and hope that will be something to build on.