Not sure of next step

[Shaky]

I've been following this discussion with some interest. Here's my opinion for what its worth. To some degree, not banishing OM is a show of strength and high value. Shaky believes his changes are significant enough and their communication is improved enough that he chooses to trust his wife and let the cards fall where they may.

Banishing OM is like snooping, its playing defensively and to some degree controlling. If he needs to continue to worry, then he's not doing the things he needs to do to ensure he's the best H possible.

I thought about making sure that W would have no contact with OM through any number of means. Where I landed, however, is that I can't control that and trying to monitor it will make me nuts and put me in a one-down position.

I would rather operate from a position of high value, know that I'm being the best husband and father I can be, and not worry about it. If she does it again I will eventually find out and I'm gone, simple as that, and I will not be inclined to be amicable through divorce.

From my perspective, it is Shaky's wife's responsibility to declare no contact or ask OM to stay away, and ideally she would do that out of respect for Shaky.

Maybe I'm being naive, but it has helped me to find peace. My attitude is "W you make your choices and then I will make mine"

Accuray

This is exactly how I see it. If I don't have enough confidence in myself and trust in my wife I believe I might as well just divorce her.

At least this way she is not snooping around behind my back. I know how I contributed to why she felt the way she did and will try much harder to meet her needs.

I will trust that my wife made a huge mistake and completely lost her mind while the dopamine kicked in and paved the way
to our breakdown. Note: I'm not totally blaming her for what happened but I'm only taking 50% of the blame.

Shaky