Kimmerz, You will never get all of the answers to the mlc puzzle because we were not a part of their childhoods and do not know what happened. All we can do is continue to move forward. The pain will ease in time. The scars will slowly fade away, but many of the answers that you are seeking will not come. I had to learn to accept that no matter how much I learned, there was one piece of the mlc puzzle I would never get...his childhood issues. I've learned to accept that I did not harm him as a child, therefore I can't repair the damage that was done to him, i.e., only he can do that. I thank God every day that I am not on that sinking ship w/him while he is/was on the high seas trashing about.
When I was looking for entertainment, I joined a book club and made myself go. I went to the local coffee shop or book store and began talking to others about the best sellers. I took a few classes and picked up hobbies whereby I had to get up and go to the classes. I became more active in my community and you know what? It doesn't bother me now to do these things...and I've learned to ask for help when I need it. You can find many things to do, you just need to sit a bit and think about what you would like to do or learn and then it's one step at a time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
