"She wondered my reasoning for telling her about all this now, if it were not to "level the playing field" with new information. I told her the impetus for telling her was that this OW is coming to town in June, that I have a professional relationship I must maintain, and that I wanted to be completely open about this stuff."
Some things:
(1) Your response to her question about motivation is B.S. Really. Get honest with yourself and with her. I would guess that part of your motivation would be to relieve your own distress at keeping the secret, part would be to get her to realize a little of what YOU are feeling because of her infidelity -- leveling the playing field in a way, part would be because you wanted to share your own experience to try to help her see some things about her own experience, part would be to reveal that you really could understand her pain and loss in missing OM, and part would be to simply try to be open and vulnerable and to remove roadblocks to true intimacy.
(2) You have no business continuing ANY sort of relationship with your EA. Out of respect, care, and concern for yourself, your W, your M, your child, your family, end that contact completely, transparently, without reservation. Your professional life will simply have to suffer that loss. It does not take precedence over your family. Period. Really. There is no grey area on that one.
