My Story So Far. Is this even worth saving?

[timbits]

Journaling: I'm taking part in a local craft show and selling my jewellery. This is a great GAL because any money that I make, I'm putting towards buying a scooter (after my up-front costs, of course). I'm also moving ahead on the course to get my motorcycle license. I'm also taking a rug-hooking class and working on getting my book club together. We also (both H and I) have a weekly date with a friend. We used to go to the local university's cinema series, but now that it's over until the fall, we are watching The Sopranos as both H and I were fans and our friend hasn't watched it. So Thursdays are now pizza and Sopranos night. And, on top of it all, I meet my father for lunch weekly. Between this and work, I'm a busy bee.

It's nice to have so many activities at the moment. Not only am I enjoying them, but they also keep me pre-occupied so I don't focus on what is irritating me with my relationship. Things are going well with H, but, again, I'm still hurt and angry about it and if I sit too long, I stew on it.

H shaved off his goatee after having it there for almost 10 years. It looks so weird to see his face again, but I like it. He sure shocked me when he walked in the room. He didn't tell me he was going to do it, so when I heard the electric razor upstairs, I just thought he was trimming it. Then he walked in the room and it was just like when we first met! I couldn't speak for a minute. For a while, he had a full beard, but he's always had something on his chin. Of course, his mother doesn't like it, but she doesn't like anything about him. I made sure to tell him that I thought he looked great. He hasn't decided if he will grow it back or keep it clean shaven (his skin also gets irritated by daily shaving), but I told him he looked great either way.

I'm trying to DB. I'm trying to do what I need to do. My IC doesn't start until next week, so I am keeping busy until then. This is what I have to do. I feel like I'm growing as a person. I have also decided that I do want to stay in this marriage. It's funny. I've never felt trapped in this relationship, but by H go through his issues with freedom and finding himself, it's forced me to focus on my own feelings about who I am and what I want. While it hurts like hell, it is a positive thing, in the end. For a while, I was fantasizing about living on my own in an apartment, free to do whatever I want without having to take his feelings into account or be responsible for him. Then I realized that I'm NOT responsible for him. Yes, I still consider his feelings, but I'm not responsible for his happiness. This has been a weight off my shoulders. If he's depressed, he has to own it and work on it. I can support him, but I don't have to carry him. And the same goes for me. No one is going to step up and start taking care of me. I have to do it myself. I have to love myself and do what makes me happy.

If I can't love myself, how can I expect anyone else to?