Really missing W today...and my family. Still just having real hard time about finality of all this. The fact that it appears with W that there is no hope.
I was out of town on business past couple of days...was real hard being in a hotel without W...we always had great time traveling. Then coming home to no one really...to this lonely 1 bedroom apt...the isolation is really tough. I guess this is a way W is getting back at me sort of...for her isolation I guess when we were together. Going dark is so hard...especially when it seems that's what W wants.
She seems to be moving on and just seems so okay with all this, that without me in the house, life is so much better and she doesn't miss me one bit. That's the hardest part because we did have so many good times but she just doesn't seem to want to think about that, only the bad. I know I can't trust what she does or say but man is she good at making it appear that her decision is the best thing that has ever happened to her. I still stay upbeat and am still GAL...but I just can't get over this loss, it's eating me up inside and I find myself backsliding. I think if only I can hold her, all would begin to mend. God, life's lessons just stink. I'm a good man, a good person...I know this. But knowing that the best thing that has ever happened to me doesn't think so...incredibly disheartening.
This post keeps getting lost in the shuffle it appears...i read so many that have such good support and advice. I do appreciate those that have commented and offered support...i guess I'm just really needy right now...needing that magical solution. I guess only I can create it by solving myself...becoming an even better person...and no matter what, all will work out in the end.
Me:44, W: 39 D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs) M:17, T:21+ Bomb:3/18/12 W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12 Separate since bomb Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12 No talk of D since mediation
