Parenting with an MLCer (and other things ) Part 2

[AJM]

they feel this is how love works! Love doesn't work that way

Um, that's your perception of how love works, not his. That's based on your past experience not his. He doesn't necessarily KNOW how love works. He does know something isn't right, but not what. Think it makes you crazy? You're still on the same train as he is, my dear.

In the end, it is what it is. Nothing more than that. You can't rationalize it away other than to say you aren't going to live that way another minute. That you are not going to let somebody, anybody, treat you that way and you no longer are willing to feel the way you do.

The book? He wasn't a nice guy because something was wrong with HIM. Not because of the sappy pop-psy book that told him to be. You'll spot those jackasses quickly. Trust me on that.

As for how to get out of that cycle? See above, Kimmerz. It [censored] that we have to go through that. That we have to do that work at all. We didn't ask for it. We aren't broken. We did not pick incorrectly. It's not about us. It's about them and there is not one thing you can do about that except let them go and wish them the best.

We each do that differently and in our own time. For me it meant no contact outside of email regarding kid related business. I had to enforce that too. I still do. It's not what I wanted, but it is what I am willing to do. Not one bit more at this point in my life. I will not be treated the way she treated/treats me. She is not the person I knew for 20 years. I don't let other people treat me that way either, for the record. She used to get a pass while I tried to figure things out. I stopped when I realized, even if she told me, I couldn't believe it after all the lies. It simply is not possible any longer (been that way for a long while now).

I'm not immune yet. I'm innoculated. She still tries to hurt me. And one button at a time I pull out the button by the wires. I find there are very few left. None that I know of, but I'm not perfect; there may be one lurking somewhere. I'll rip that out when it becomes known to me to prevent being treated that way ever again.

We didn't do this. This was there before we came onto the scene in almost all cases from what I've read/seen. I know in my case I was almost "perfect" even in her eyes. She had to make things up. It actually helped that she was like that. It still does help sometimes. Because I'm not naturally an untrusting person. I don't like to live that way. It works for me. But in her case, I have to be incredibly skeptical and I find it draining. But that's what is, vs what I wanted it to be.

Focus on what is and let the rest go, Kimmerz. If you look at what is, you would tell yourself to let him go and find a man that will treat you right (when you're ready to be open to that). Every day.

AJ