JB, Glad to hear things seem to be moving along pretty well for you. The ride sounds great, no better way to get the endorphins moving. Cold and rainy here today, rather like the weather you guys have been having I think. Hope all is well!
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
JB, Glad to hear things seem to be moving along pretty well for you. The ride sounds great, no better way to get the endorphins moving. Cold and rainy here today, rather like the weather you guys have been having I think. Hope all is well!
Great to hear from you as well, gunny. I just happen to have my coffee cup from Wellsboro, PA today with me at work and thought of you.
OK folks. Things kind of came to a head last night in my situation. With my need for keeping things in order, I am going to journal from this weekend, then I'll post what's going one. I am trying to squeeze this in and still work today.
My W dropped my S off in a new car on Friday morning. Didn't really surprise, but I was still shaking my head. The car she's been driving is approaching 200,000 miles.
I had a great weekend with my S. I took him to a Fireflight concert on Friday night. I'm sure the majority of you are not familiar with the band, they are a hard rock Christian band. So - my S and I were head bangin' for Jesus. Sounds like an oxymoron, doesn't it? I thorougly enjoyed it and my S did, too. They have a lot of songs that have spoken to me in what I've been going through.
Saturday my S and I hung out with some friends. We ended up going to church with them in the evening. Earlier in the day I took my bike to the bike shop and finaly invested in some clipless pedals and new shoes. It was a little scary - I was afraid of falling at my age. The guy at the bike shop asked how old I was and was surprised at the answer. He said he had me pegged at 32. (Thanks, buddy! I'll buy some more stuff now.)
Sunday, my S and I went to our own church. During the service I received some text messages. It was from my S. Evidently his group came up into the main service and he was texting me his notes! Blew me away! We just hung for the rest of the day together, took care of some errands and some general housework.
I had my S again on Monday night. I made dinner for the entire week and we just hung out after that. I enjoy my time with my S.
Last night my W comes to pick up my S. It seemed to be a pretty decent exchange. Just small talk at first. She came to the door, but then offered to show me her new car. I politely walked out and acted politely interested. I then recalled I had some garlic bread in the oven and I didn't want it to burn, so I turned to head back into the house. It was then that she stopped me and we had the following convo:
W: Did you get the text I sent awhile back? (She was referring to the text about getting the stuff for the L) JB: Yeah W: Are you going to get that stuff together? JB: Yeah (kind of nonchalant, like it's #50 on my list of 10 priorities)
I then jogged into the house. I knew that wasn't going to be the end of it....
My Tuesday night Relationships (a.k.a. Ladies') group was cancelled, so I opted to grab my bike and hit the bike path for a quick 18 miler. I took a quick break to look at my phone when I was 4-5 miles from being done. I received the following text from my W.....
Hi jb...listen please. I know u don't want this divorce but its been a year since I asked for one and my mind has not changed. So we need to both move forward. I need to get the info for the atty asap so please cooperate with me and not make this more difficult than it already is. Also, please don't ask S about who when and where I m with someone. S should not be put in the middle of this anymore than he has to be. He shouldn't have to worry if he tells u or me something the other person may not want to know. He just a kid and should know we both luv him ad will always luv him.
Whoa! I guess she didn't like my aloof demeanor when she was asking about that stuff, did she? I spent the rest of my ride in prayer. I talked it through with my Tuesday night church group leader and we prayed together.
After careful thought and prayer last night, I didn't think I could respond to my W's text with a text. I also know I needed some time to cool down. I needed to call her.
This may not be DB'ing, but I felt I needed and I was called to lay it on the line last night. I've been doing this for 14+ months now.
I'll try to recreate the convo to the best of my ability below (2stepboogie style, albeit a discount version)
Believe it or not, I started the convo with an upbeat pleasant demeanor.
jb: I received your text. I felt we needed to talk. Hmm...where to start? It's not missed on me that you still want a D. You've really not given me anything to indicate otherwise. TBH, I am feeling very conflicted right now. I don't want a D, but not to be hurtful or anything, I don't really want to be married to you either. Does that make sense? W: I understand. jb: I've been wondering if our lives are going entirely different directions directions right now. I have been on quite a journey over the last year. I have drawn considerably closer to God. God has done some incredible things through me. He's lead me on some fantastic adventures. I've met a lot of amazing people. I've made a ton of new friends. I like where my life is going right now. I am not so sure where yours is going, though. Maybe we are moving in entirely different directions. W: I certainly haven't been living as a Christian. I'm not even really going to church anymore. I went on Easter Sunday, but the only other time I went this year was about 6 weeks before that. jb: That's just it. If you tell me you're no longer a believer, maybe I can tolerate this D thing a little more. Maybe it makes a little more sense to me. I have also learned over the last year what I really want at the core of my marriage is that it's Christ centered and both partners are committed to working on the relationship. Right now I'm not sure you can give me either one. W: (mumbling) I used to be committed to the relationship. jb: I just struggling a bit TBH, I am not morally OK with a D. W: What do others at church tell you? Certainly there are many others there that have been divorced and remarried. jb: I personally think it's between you and God. I think I have to prayerfully approach it. jb: I just felt I needed to tell you where I'm at. Where I stand. W: (tearfully) I just don't understand. You're doing all of these things I wanted you to do over the last 17 years. You're the person I always wanted to be now. jb: I think it took losing everything I thought was important, my family and my wife, and the life I was used to living to make me learn what's really important and who I need to be. My goal is to be my best possible self, the man God has called me to be, and the father He wants me to be. W: That's one thing I've always been able to say about you. You are a wonderful Dad. Even with what's going on right now. I've talked to others in similar situations and the Dad doesn't want anything to do with his kids. You are the exact opposite of that. jb: Thank you. I absolutely love that boy with everything I have. I want to be able to look him in the eye and look myself in the mirror someday and be able to say I did everything possible to save his family and that I always did the right thing.
We proceeded to talk about my S. I gave some recent examples of some amazing things he's done. She shared he has been getting on her to go to church. I remarked how proud I was of him and I only want the best for him. She said no doubt he's our #1 priority in all of this. We also clarified I am not feeding my S answers or especially questions I don't want to know the answer to. I am just concerned about his well being.
W: I'm not sure where to go from here. I don't think the answer is for me to move back home. jb: I totally agree. You're not ready for it. Frankly I'm not ready for it. W: I have work to do on myself. I need to make some changes. I've been realizing that lately. If anything, I need to do it for S. I'm really not acting like the person I should be. I realized I went crazy there for awhile. I was kind of seeing that guy for awhile. I put that on hold about 3 weeks ago. I decided I'm not ready for a relationship like that right now. I'm not going to church anymore. I'm using foul language at work. I just got in big fight with my Mom a few weeks ago. I've been listening to some pastors on the radio and on TV lately. I know I need to make some changes. jb: Well, again, I really like where my life is going right now. I'd like to say I'm inviting you along for the adventure... W: You'd like to say? jb: Yeah, I'm not sure if you're up for it right now. W: Yeah, I do have a lot of work to do. I am still trying to find myself. jb: I'd like to take your hand and walk through it with you. But you have to do the work. I can't do it for you.
Believe it or not, that convo lasted all of about 35 minutes, and that's just highlights.
That's pretty much where we left it. I'm not sure what to think right now. I'm not sure what next steps to take. I'm praying about it. One thing that didn't come up was getting the stuff for the L. Do I still need to consider that? :confused That convo sure could have been a ton worse. I think I am still waiting for the smoke to clear. I have no idea where we're going. The convo could have been a turning point or it could have been absolutely nothing. I also feel like I have to be wary of the traditional WAS pull back so I'd better strap in.
JB, I think for the first time in my life I'm speechless!!!! My jaw is literally on the floor.
Im SO proud of you for calling her and for how you handled your end of the conversation. Seriously, that could come straight from the script of a romantic movie. It reminds me of the line from the movie, "We Bought a Zoo" about having 20 seconds of insane courage. You showed some serious insane courage!
Did I say WOW yet????
My advice is just keep doing what you are doing. Your DB skills are so incredibly awesome. You realize that a pull back could come, and if it does, you will handle it with your typical class and grace.
I'm heading to church and will comment more later, but I wanted to chime in with my support.
Praying harder than ever for your wife, you and your family!
Okay, no practical reason for posting that smiley except that it makes me laugh and think of all the times you made me laugh when I needed to laugh.
Thanks for that, E. 
I love it! That gave me a well-needed laugh! I know you love the smiley as much or more than I do.
I'll buy some more stuff now.)
I spent the rest of my ride in prayer. I talked it through with my Tuesday night church group leader and we prayed together.