@ Brooklyn I joked with H that he could get me a replica crown like the one he wanted to get D so we could be matching divas. That made him laugh. Also, my DB coach told me to get a great smelling candle for the home. She said pumpkin pie sent or bread baking stimulates the senses and gives a homey feel. I bought one that smells like cinnamon french toast and it does stimulate the senses. Not easy to find a pumpkin pie scented candle this time of the year.
@ April your post made me LOL! I am guilty over the years of letting my appearance get too "comfortable". So I make a point of styling my hair, putting on makeup, wearing jewelry, nice clothes, etc to make myself feel better. I had problems getting rid of the baby weight so my "sexy" clothes never fit me right after I had kids and I guess I let it affect my self-esteem. Not anymore. The Divorce Diet took care of that.
Maybe him being gone overseas will give him a chance to reflect on things. I can't have expectations, but I can have hope.
As far as my hostility towards him, I have been thinking about that. I have a very dry sense of humor and I think sometimes I kid with him and he thinks I am criticizing him or calling him out when I am just teasing. I often have to tell him "that was a joke" and then he will laugh. So I guess I need to watch what I say and second guess if it may come out as hurtful or not. It is hard because I never intend to be mean, but I will try and use a filter when I speak to H. But in the same respect I don't want to become someone I am not.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
On their 40th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.
"Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?"
Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness --and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."
I posted it on my thread too. It was funny to me. LOL
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
On a more mellow note H did call. He called me on my cell and told me he wanted to talk to the kids. Downer!! I told him I wasn't home yert so I didn't have the kids with me. He said Oh, then I will just call S at home then. Bye.
Granted he is probably tired and cranky and jet lagged but I had hope he would want to talk to me. Why cant I seem to get the hang of this detaching thing?
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
So weird. H just called again and I missed the call. I thought for sure he would be passed out by now. I called back and he sounded horrible. He said he wanted to talk to D. So I said okay and handed the phone to D and asked if she wanted to talk to Daddy. She said no. I tried to get her to talk but she refused. So I had to tell him she doesn't want to talk to you. I apologized and said she must be getting tired. I told him that he sounded tired as well. He said he was very tired and I said I bet you are and that he should get some rest. We said goodbye and that was that.
Sigh...at least he called for the kids.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
So today IDK what is going on? Not sure if it is the meds or if I have finally cracked, but today I feel okay. I feel like no matter what happens I will be okay. I actually started feeling (gasp) happy! Not sure how long this will last, but I like it. : )
Came up with a few 180s for myself. I have been doing a lot of soul searching and deciding what I really want to change for myself and to make myself a happier, more positive person.
1) Be more genteel. Not so abrupt. 2) Be careful with my dry humor around people. Sometimes people think I am being critical when I am actually trying to throw humor into the situation. 3) Be more outgoing. 4) Be less nervous. 5) Learn to express my concerns without trying to bully my own way. 6) Stop criticizing. Stop complaining.
I think the bulk of my problem is I have always suffered from anxiety but never really could deal with it well. Hopefully getting help from my family doctor and my counselor will be a step in the right direction.
Hoping for a bright day for all!
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
W&H all we can do is take it one day at a time. Happiness to me means making a choice each day...whenever I get up I have the choice to make it a good day or a bad day. Whatever happens I am in control of that.
Enjoy your Happy Day! There will be many more to come. I promise.
Came home still feeling upbeat!!! And no external source to create the happiness. Just coming from within. Even made chocolate chip cookies!!! Wow! Sure hope this lasts!
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Last night took kids to the children's theatre to see "Carnival of the Animals". D was entranced. S liked it too but I don't think he wanted to admit it. : )
This morning S has babysitter class, D has swim lessons and then S has a soccer game. NOT a good day for a soccer game. Cold, windy and rainy. Yuk! Maybe getting together with a friend later for dinner with the kids.
H gets back from overseas today. Not looking forward to it because I am not sure what his mindset will be. We have not really been around each other since his admission and we have not talked since he left. I am a bit concerned and disappointed that he did not try to call more often, but trying to shake it off and not let it bother me. Maybe the space was good for him.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
