What do I do next? Part 3

[luvhurts49]

Thank you all for your support and suggestions. I really do appreciate them. Obviously, some things are harder to do than others, but I try to do what I can as far as GAL and trying not to think about my situation as much.

Friends help and having time to have my kids play with my friends kids is nice and the kids have a blast. It also allows me to take my mind off things for a bit. It's at night and during down time is when I seem to have the most problem. Whether it's a song, TV show, or simply a smell, something always seems to trigger a memory and gets me thinking about things and from there things go down hill.

I thought I had been through just about everything the last 8 months. From the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. I've ridden the roller coaster many, many times. I've learned things that I wish I never learned and of course I've done things that I'm not proud of. But nothing and I mean nothing prepared me for the events that transpired at my S12 IC office (see my last post).

My W comes from a family where saying ILY and hugging and kissing are commonplace. My family, not so much. Because of this, we have modeled our own family after her family in many ways. That's why it comes to such a shock to not see any emotion from her, nothing but a blank slate when her own child is begging to be with his dad as opposed to being with his mom.

It's not like I only see my kids every once in a while, I see them all the time. We each have the kids 50% of the time. Sometimes I get them a little more depending on scheduling issues, but it's never less than 50% of the time.

I am one who rarely is at a loss for words, but the actions or rather in-actions of my W just floored me. This is a woman that I am passionately in love with, who has the largest, most caring heart I've ever known, and to have that kind of unemotional reaction...I'm left to wonder just what happened to my W? What happened to the loving and caring mother of our children? I am simply without words.