Xh worked with Ow for a year or more and they developed a friendship that obviously turned into more and it still went on after he quit his job. She remained at the same place of work for over a year after he quit. She also moved out of town too. Im pretty sure each time he left and came back, she rejected him, and told him that she would not have anything to do with him until he left me for good and got his own place. He had her in the sack a little over a month after he moved out and got his own place.
I find that comment he made to you rude. He was basically welcoming you right into the conversation, then turned on you. I find that passive aggressive. He just made it your business by opening up the conversation about him purchasing a vehicle. You conversed with him over it and now you're in trouble for butting into his business?
Xh told me that he should only have to tell me once and ONLY ONCE that he is upset about something and should never have to do any explaining about anything. Basically to me that states " do not test my authority, what so ever".
In attempts to really try and understand my XH and this rollercoaster I've been on with him Ive had to do alot of studying. I've had to because he's not going to just open up and talk to me. What has really validated and helped me understand Xh is reading on emotional unavailability, and passive aggressiveness. Im also reading NO more Mr. Nice guy. If you haven't read up on this ( which you probably have) I suggest to google it and read up. I've also downloaded some books on my iphone too.
To make it a little more clear and concise, this is what I've come away with. Some men have the "disease to please". If they please everyone, and do everything right, then they expect they will get everything they need emotionally returned back to them. TThey're incapable of expressing their wants and needs in a healthy way to someone else. Unfortuneatly what happens is they build up unrealistic expectations of how this is supposed to be returned to them from other people. When love, admiration, and respect isn't returned to them in the way they expect it, then that's when the real trouble starts. They feel rejected and like failures. Then they become resentful and angry, and continue to stuff it down instead of expressing it in a more assertive and healthy way. Then the emotional unavailability comes in, the passive aggression, and then the spew and eruption of a volcano.
AFter reading up on these subjects, I have the majority of the answers I need. I now understand why XH would come across as Prince Charming and Knight in Shining Armour, then not even be able to look me in the eye and have any sort of emotional connection....( not being able to say I love you) All the while seething with anger, resentment, and blame towards me. Then after that stack is blown, start the cycle all over again. And he's still doing this from time to time.
But until they're able to realize that the real and true reason of their unhappiness is because of their inability to see that their own needs are met, well it's going to be everyone elses fault.
