the path is the goal...

[zig]

so a strange thing happened yesterday with h. strange in the way that i recognized a pattern within myself that i was unaware of. it has to do with him being responsible for his part - how i let him off the hook, without even realizing it.

so if anyone can help me to figure out how i can rectify this, i would be really grateful.

2 weeks ago we had our first therapy session with the child counselor. h and i agreed that we would go in 2 weeks again and he would make the appointment. i didn't hear from him about this for the whole of the first week, and finally sent him a simple email "haven't heard from you about what time the appointment is, could you let me know please"

no reply. i decided that i wouldn't force the issue or ask - was in a whatever happens, happens state of mind.

yesterday (the day we had agreed to have the next apptmt - he said that well i suppose we should have been going to this appointment today - but i haven't made it yet - i tried to call 3 times and no one picked up the phone (???????)

i guess i didn't realize how "angry" i was that 1. he hadn't made the appointment and 2. hadn't acknowledged my email and 3. basically pretended nothing was happening

my reaction during the phone call was basically - well, it doesn't seem as if you want to go so there isn't much point in going is there - he did try to suggest that maybe we should go, but then let himself off the hook by adding - well it's probably better we should talk a lot together and define what we are doing before we go.

afterwards - i realized i had done several things inadvertently
1. let him off the responsibility of making sure s was okay
2. letting him make it seem as if going to this therapist is about us and not about son
3. being sullen, myself, and reacting with the attitude of well if you're not going to try, i'm not going to either

#3 is something i definitely did during the M when i got fed up. funny i haven't seen it until now

so i need help with

1. i'm considering emailing him and saying that after thinking about it, i realize that it is very important that we continue to go see C and that we should make the appointment for sooner than later

2. am i pressuring him? - yes i know the answer to that - when it comes to the kids, they are first priority

3. i have agreed to talk with him one on one, but am really wondering today whether that is a good idea - i feel he uses these conversations to keep us in a state of chaos. his evasive way of speaking makes me really nervous and i keep thinking that there is a hidden agenda. we don't really get anywhere, and because i don't want to push him, i get frustrated

i think i'm trying to figure out here whether there is any point in talking with him at all. if i say no - would i be losing the opportunity to make things better between us, or is that just wishful thinking on a large scale at this point

i'm thinking of saying - "the only issues we need to resolve are those concerning son - and we need to do that within the structure of the therapy sessions. there is really nothing else that we need to talk about as you have made your plans very clear"

thanks for the help

zig