the path is the goal...

[zig]

thanks NLW - that is so sweet of you - are you having what feels like insane conversations with your WAS in the same way i am?

i'll go read, now.

i've had the feeling that you guys were waiting for me to come back here - and the support i feel from all of you is heart warming.

i feel so self-involved now - and i know i have to stop being that - need togo read other's threads and be in a good place again.

i'm working on and recognizing my own issues with self-involvement right now. can't help thinking that am i being so self involved during this sitch that i can't hear h pleading with me that he has nothing to give me right now..

maybe reading this thread will help me get things in more perspective. resentment and frustration are looming their ugly heads within me now, and that's not the way to go about changing things

thanks NLW


(((( ))))
zig

[ces67]

Hey, not much advice to offer just wanted to touch base. Hang in there. The roller coaster does get some smooth spots too, just have to be more patient than we care to be sometimes.

Don't beat yourself up too much, we all get pulled in at times. Remember , this healing process isn't linear.

Take care and hope your show goes well. Have fun with it!

[NLW]

Zig,
AliSuddenly is a master at keeping resentment/ frustration out of her sitch.

She radiates unconditional love and hangs in there through thick and thin, so i think it will be worth the read for you.

I haven't even finished it myself as there are so many threads over the 16 or so months that her journey took.

There is also a fb page under her db name so you can see pics of them both.

Thinking of you, and yes, our Hs seem still to be on the same temporal path - i'm getting some signs that he's stepping back a bit from the nastiness, but still getting insane convos.

[zig]

thanks NLW - i started reading and it's going to take me a while.

how are you doing on the unconditional love thing?

is that all what happened to me , today, again - just got pulled in?

when i read what you wrote, i suddenly felt reassured, that i can pull myself out again - thank you

how do you deal with that? what do you say when H asks these "feeling around" questions?

i feel as if i bunged up today - just reading the first couple of pages from AllSuddenly's thread and reading the advice she was given - i think i just broke all the rules.

[labug]

good to hear from you, I'll catch up on your thread tomorrow.

[heartbrokeinsd]

the unconditional love thing is so hard for me. i want to do it, i feel it, but like you i seemed to be easily pulled in. feels like i screw it up.

[zig]

hi heartbroke

i read this about unconditional love and i keep telling it to myself

"i love you and so i don't care what you think"

it means something different from what it seems to mean at first glance - basically - even if you are thinking and doing these things that are so hurtful to me, i love you anyway

i think we all go through the "i screwed up" phase over and over again on the roller coaster - until we truly let go and fully accept. start to see the pattern of how you get pulled in. i can't say with complete confidence that in spite of seeing the pattern i am able not to get pulled in, but at least i can say that now i recognize the pattern and the follow-up screwy conversation that leaves me upside down. my next step is to find a way not to get pulled in.

[heartbrokeinsd]

zig-

i really like that quote! thats how i feel when i really look inside myself. im starting to see the behaviors. now to act appropriately. i want to do the LRT with a smile. i am so not there yet. im getting better at not pursuing. i better get good quick!

thank you so much for your post. kinda needed that right now

[zig]

thanks ces - i am really excited about it and am looking forward to it being a great first step for me here with starting my own little thing

you acknowledge that i got pulled in - from what i wrote - do you think i messed up my DB'ing really bad?

i think i'm getting it all wrong - i need to recoup and figure it out from scratch again. wish i could afford a DB coach - maybe i'll sell enough on friday that i can:)

take care
and thanks
zig

[zig]

you are so lucky that you found this place so soon after your separation. yes, quit pursuing right this very hot minute.

a lot of us didn't find DB for months - take advantage of that and just stop now - you have to 'act as if' until it becomes more natural. you can weep and cry later on your own and come here and vent

glad the quote helped:)

zig

ps i better start taking my own advice here!!