I doubt Endeavor's h "struggled" with the dilemma of wanting to leave his family for the star of "Fatal Attraction" in Nutsville.
That made me laugh out loud.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
That could have made Endeavor's choice harder, b/c it is infuriating to see the dangerous side, but she let it make it clearer, MAYBE b/c she didn't feel threatened by OW...I don't know, not sure it matters here.
No, definitely not threatened. I mean how embarrassing would it have been for him to wake up one morning and realized he left a sane woman with a good head on her shoulders (relatively) for a needy, desperate, clingy "I can't survive without you" bunny boiler?
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
(OTOH would it really be better if OW looked like Catherine Zeta Jones, had the brains of Condolezza Rice and earned Angelina Jolie film demands? I mean, would ANY of us feel great competing with that?)
Okay, I admit, the fact that ow was less attractive was a bit of an insult. Then pair that with the batchit crazy behaviour, and think I said, "I was so bad that you had to take up with that?!" BUT in H's defence (well, sort of), she didn't go truly off her rocker (although there were previous signs) until he tried to dump her after bombing me. That said, I was more angry about the crazy part because if she had let him go, we could have started working on our M right away.
Anyway, a bit of a t/j so back on track....
But as we know, affairs are not about looks because the WS often affairs down. It's about how ow/om makes them feel. H knew ex-ow was less attractive in every way but made him feel wanted and I did not. Of course now, that just seems stupid to him but affairs are not really all that rational in the first place.
And most affairs crash and burn in less than two years because they are relationships built on lies and deceit. And selfishness and thoughtlessness. Who wants an R that's foundation was built on the pain of others? I think that's more key than whether the ow is attractive or crazy.
And thankfully H got that...(the above was something I got from what he said during one of our A talks and one of many reasons why he wanted the heck out of the A).
And obviously May's H got that his EA had no future either and that's why it ended.
Some people make stupid selfish decisions when they're depressed or confused or scared. The key is to learn from the past and make sure we do everything within OUR power to not repeat those bad decisions in the future.
That responsibility goes both ways. My H takes responsibility for the poor way he handled his anger, rejection and hurt. And I take responsibility for the poor ways in which I expressed my anger and insecurities, which resulted in me rejecting him and wanting out of the M, even prior to his A. We both handled things badly.
The irony is that I am not at the place of being able to say I have forgiven my H yet, but I can honestly say, I would bet money that he would never cheat on me again.
I see who stands before me now.
And that's what counts, May. Who is he now? And is he trying to be a better man?
You guys are still so young and marriage is hard. There are ups and downs and crisis points in every M. If you can get through this now, and truly learn from it, you're going to save yourself a lot of heartache in the future.
I recall a brief conversation I had with a woman in the Retrovaille post sessions who is around the same age and my H and I (early 40's). I was chatting with her during the break and my H with her H. She sort of stopped mid-way during our conversation with tears on her eyes and said, "I wish we would have done this years ago." I said, "Us too." She replied, "It would have saved my H and I a lot of heartbreak." I said, "I know. Us too." That was all we needed to say. There was a sense of knowing between us. I don't know their story. I never asked and no one ever shared but I got the sense it had been bad but they're still together, and they looked happy by the end of the sessions.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
Finally May, along with whatever Endeavor says about it, (do you live near the Big D, Endeavor?)
I had to Google the Big D to even know what it meant so no. Closer to you geographically than to May. The way I spell Endeavour sort of gives you a clue too.
[quote=25yearsmlc]May,
I pray you and your h heal from the wounds of your childhoods, not letting them haunt your marriage/life today...and I pray that
you can break the cycle your parents passed on, (unintentionally, I know )
^^^^^ See this is key because whatever R or M you are in, this stuff is going to come up.
