The Climb - Thread #6

[Navyguy]

Whoo boy. Where's that "face palm" emoticon, anyway???

Navy, you are what, THREE YEARS into this now? And you're still operating based on your EMOTIONS and FEELINGS, instead of what you intellectually KNOW (and have learned) are the things to do (and not do).

I know the following goes against the DB principles, but I think I'm to the point where I had to try something different.

Honestly, I don't see anything "different" about what you did. Can you HONESTLY say that this was part of something you THOUGHT OUT, maybe got some wise outside counsel on, and then decided to do it as part of your overall plan? Or did you do it because you FELT like it, out of maybe some combination of wanting to make her feel guilty about what she was doing and maybe come running back to you?


C'mon, man . . . I call bullchit on this one.


Starsky

Well, I had a feeling this was coming, and I am glad it did.

I honestly don't know what I'm operating on right now. What I know to be the right and wrong things to do and doing/not doing them hasn't seemed to help my sitch.

Did I get unbiased counsel on the gift? No, I didn't. I talked with a few friends (not familiar with DB principles) that thought it was a wonderful idea. I think 10 out of the 10 old-timers would have told me not to give the gift. I probably do deserve to be smacked for that.

But I will say I didn't do it to try to make her feel guilty (which I think is why she was crying) or come running back (which she certainly didn't).

I did it for 2 reasons (both of which I admit were probably driven by feelings more than thought, but also were about me taking charge of my life):

1) It has been 5 years since W and I actually celebrated an anniversary. For our 4th and 5th anniversaries I was deployed, 6th we went out but W drank a lot and got sick, 7th was right after W came back last year and we didn't do anything, and now the 8th. I am tired of not being able to celebrate my anniversary with my W and having to worry about exactly how she's going to react to whatever things I do or gifts I give her. I know someone could call me selfish for thinking this - I put my feelings before hers - I understood that and I consciously made that decision, because I am tired of constraining my love. It has gotten me nowhere. This trip is something I wanted to do for my family (the trip is for all 4 of us), and is long overdue. I am sick of having to hold back, and I am sick of walking on eggshells, and I am sick of this facade we call a family.

2) My M has been stuck in this rut and it only seems to be getting deeper. No secret there. Whichever direction this thing goes, I know I will end up ok, and I will make sure my kids end up ok. But it's gotta start moving...we're not doing anyone any favors by living like this. Maybe this will lead to me having the opportunity to "let W free" like GB talks about...I'm certainly not getting the opportunity in the limited routine interactions we've had lately.

That is my no-BS response. If it's crap, I'm more than willing to be slapped again.