Grace, Love, Compassion, and Faith - It's A Choice

[25yearsmlc]

Val

Seems you WANT to tell her you want to minimize time together. True or false?

Someone else said it's cold sounding AND I say it's not needed b/c you already said you want it completed by June 1.

I can't see the value in you telling her that you ALSO want as little time w/her as possible. Yet you persist in thinking it must be said, (or am I misreading?)

Also you do NOT want to hire an outside person, (which would obviate the need for much of the contact) AND it would mean the taxes are DONE and probably more safely done from a legal standpoing, both of which are HUGE to me. We weren't being audited and had this tax crap and for the life of me I can't figure out why they chose us. But they sure did....and even "winning" with them feels like crap. Takes forever, and they don't send a letter or move fast to remove a mistakenly placed lien on our home...I mean, it REALLY was a weird stressful thing for me. As a L, I am always reminded of the taxing power of the state/feds and it's hard to argue even when you are right. Also time consuming as hell. If you do call them, make sure you have a battery charger with you and a book to read. My last call was 3 hours 15 min and I'm NOT exaggerating...

It's no small feat to have it DONE right from the get go.

I'm not sure how YOU would do Turbotax and Not need any info from her b/c even if you file separately, you need info about the loose ends....so you'd have contact with her.

If you really want to minimize contact then hire the pro and be done with it that way.

OH--But then that means you might spend some money you don't think she deserves, right?

Val...think about that^^. Really? THAT is stopping you?

You can spin it anyway you want but there's a part of this that's simply your anger or wanting to teach her a lesson. Not your job my friend. Really, it's not. You can split it...

if I understood correctly, you two had some sort of tax "wrinkle" last year for which you admit being partly accountable. So I have to ask,

What's this REALLY about? Making sure she knows you think she's wrong?
Making sure she knows you still really really hurt?

I deeply respect your honesty. So tell me WHY it is so important to express to her your desire to have as little time together as possible...think hard on it my friend...

Why not simply stress the need for it all being complete by June 1? If she's as eager to move on as you say she is, how can you need to say more?

Are you afraid she's not fully aware of how deeply hurt you are?

I will say, I GET THAT-even now. I really do.

There are moments when I wonder if my GAL so well, made my h not realize the depth of the pain he caused. Oh sure, Retrovaille was a window into it, but my point is twofold.

On one hand, there are days I still wrestle with the idea that it gets the WAS off too easily-

which I immediately recognize as unhealthy thinking on my end b/c it's MY happiness that matters, NOT WASs' pain or awareness of anything

and the LBSer being miserable to make a point to the WAS is insane...not to mention the idea that making sure they know how much they hurt the LBSer is a lot like the idea of punishing the WAS more...

and then second, I wonder why the WAS's insights into the pain they caused is so darn important at all, ASSUMING they are now on the same page moving forward.

(And really, how can they be on the same page without ANY insight into the damage? Hard to imagine it's possible. So maybe It's mostly just a matter of us truly forgiving, isn't it?)


The relevant part for you is the first one.

She knows she hurt you. She wanted a divorce & got one. Then You got more in the settlement than you originally expected, and more than she thought was fair, at least at first.

To her, it was probably one sided, due to the moving out here reasons, the costs to her, and all the history. But I'll stop the mind reading on that.

Just articulate for me, as you do so well, one good reason why you Must tell her you want as little time together as possible w/her.

If you really have one, then so be it. I accept it.

Peace out, and hugs to you. Don't forget to "GAL the [censored]" out of this summer!

((( !! )))


PS
Btw, DueinMay's h is in our area visiting for work. I volunteered to "stalk/meet" him, maybe throw water in his face or 'splain stuff to him in an irate manner, etc, and wondered if you feel up for it.
Might be fun.

YES I AM KIDDING!!!!!!



(but, not totally)