Not sure where to start, Part 2

[wishing, hoping]

LOL! April you wrote just what I needed to hear!!!!

So I have been trying to look my absolute best when H is around. Hair, makeup, attractive clothes, the whole nine yards. I have also been making more of an attempt to laugh and joke around and be more loving with the kids. I think this helps me glow from within. He has started joking around more with me lately. I think now that the cat is out of the bag there is a sense of relief that he doesn't have to hide things anymore.

Last night he was more talkative and friendly than I have seen him in a long time. He is flying out of the country today for work and he asked me the kids' sizes so he could pick up something for them. He even asked me if I wanted him to bring something back for me? I almost said "my real husband". But I said "no, that's okay. I don't need anything but thanks for thinking of me." His question seemed a bit forced, but at least he asked.

H says he still has feelings for me, just not romantic feelings. He values my friendship so he says. It's hard to think he is in love with another woman after all we have been through but I keep telling myself it is based on fantasy and the fantasy cannot last. They are lying to each other and you cannot base a relationship on lies.

And I have seen her picture. I imagined her being an absolutely beautiful goddess. But she is just average. Pretty, but nothing out of the ordinary. I guess that makes it even harder when she isn't more attractive than I am.

And I know she isn't necessarily the reason we are getting divorced, but I do think she is a catalyst. And I don't know how I am going to cope if he takes my kids up by her place. I have no control over his actions, but that is just going to be an ugly scene. But I guess just one day at a time.

Thanks, Guys.