I know she isn't worth it and my DB coach told me not to empower her but to be the better choice. I dont know how I can do that when she hangs on his every word and they don't have any history and baggage together. If I hang on his every word it pushes him away.
No one can compete with "the other person", it's not a fair competition. One person is a fantasy and the other person is hard cold reality. My DB coach explained it like a fancy shoe in a store window versus a comfortable well-worn shoe. The fancy shoe looks great until it becomes well-worn too.
Trying to compete with OM made me crazy. I saw how W communicated and interacted with OM, and she would not do the same with me and it made me nuts, even after we were reconciling.
MC said that affairs are all about two people telling each other how great they are. There's no way to shoehorn into that and be the better choice. You can't compete, you have to wait or leave. He also said that there's no way that the affair partners can sustain what they present during an affair. They are on their absolute best behavior, and are with someone who is temporarily exceptionally forgiving. Sooner or later reality WILL hit, and that's when you can be the better choice.
Trying to compete while the affair is ongoing is just setting yourself up to feel worse.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
