I think that I am s-l-o-w-l-y starting to catch onto DB. The past few days have been better. I am still sad, acknowledging that to myself and my close friends, but I am starting to do a few things I thought I would never be able to accomplish.
Detachment. It feels surreal, to detach. I know I am only supposed to believe 50% of what they do and none of what they say. The the facts are that he consulted a lawyer and signed a 1 year lease that started last weekend. He describes being so unhappy because of me. I want a partner, not a prisoner. Detachment has come to me in the past few days much easier than I ever expected. I hope it is a gift from a higher power, not just a passing phase.
180's 1. Don't control, or anything that resembles it. 2. Don't manipulate with guilt. This hasn't worked so far, it just makes him push me further away. 3. Try to give him compliments on what he does well, instead of pointing out what is wrong with things he does/ says. 4. Don't react to harsh words/ statements with "overly emotional" responses.
Ok, I think that's enough homework for me for now.
A quick update on my current sitch is that he picked up the keys tonight for his new place. We are having a 2 hour session with our C tomorrow to decide on the best timing for the move, that will make the easiest transition for the kids. He has texted me a few times that he is sad, I am not sure how to respond. I usually say something like "it's a sad situation, thanks for letting me know how you are feeling" ( That is a 180 for him).
The old me would have just pushed to get him out asap to ease my anxiety. It has been hard to have him here in body but not mind and spirit. I am going to practice my 180's tomorrow during my session, and not control the timing of the decisions.
If anyone has any other advice for tomorrows C session please share!
Thanks
M 37, H 37 M 10, T 12 S 4 D 2 3/14/12 ILYBNILWY 4/2/12 H consults a L, files nothing 4/26/12 H moves to his new place
