I don’t think it is specific to your W. Mine has done similar removing or downplaying my presence for anything viewed as good or positive in the communal memory. I think it is just another tool in the WAS kit. As is digging for and accentuating every possible negative aspect of their lives with us. I have noted the affects of this on other family as it creates chaos and dissonance in their lives also.
It is best not to dwell upon it. These actions are owned by our WASs and as such so are the outcomes.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Ya, I'm not dwelling on it too much. Just the part that she left other people (during her mission trip, i.e. God's work) out of that part of her life too.
Maybe I should add stuff to my Timeline too. I just noticed that there's an option to enter "Relationship Ended" too. Ha-ha. One of my 180s is transparency and honestly after all!
You know alamo... we do talk about keeping the road home paved and smooth... but do we hide from our anger for that reason? Pretend we aren't upset...?
I poke the bear from time to time... helps me dump stuff in little bits... but in small enough chunks and in as positive ways and intentions as possible...
maybe... if you feel like you gotta poke the bear... do it... just watch your reaction... don't react to something that you instigated...
I agree, Kaffe. I've never used FB to talk about details of our separation and all, just random stuff like "Going through challenging patch, please pray" or something like that. The only time I made a distinct indication of what's going on is when I first joined FB back in 12/10 - I changed my relationship status to 'Separated'. And my wife, at that point, still had her status as 'Married'. When she noticed my new status, she changed hers too.
In terms of my thoughts on putting a 'Relationship Ended' date on my Timeline (which I won't, BTW), I can't remember who in this forum instilled in me earlier on that I have to face the fact that THIS marriage is dead, so why not be honest about it? That's what I tell my friend and family or anybody I talk to -- that I'm not out to save this marriage in the traditional sense, because if my wife and I do decided to work together again, it would be from scratch. Take the good, remember the old and build on that.
Keeping the road home paved and smooth, frankly I’ve been ignoring the road home. I needed that reminder.
I live an easy bike ride from Lake Erie. I’ve visualized being the breakwater wall to her assault waves. Stoicism was one of the virtues that she was attracted to when we met. Lately as this only seems to up the tension I have considered using FB to respond like Alamo.
I need to keep in mind and I would suggest we all should “more than just our WAS will see”. We teach and show the manner of people we are by what we post. In my case this includes my children and extended family nieces, nephews etc.
So measured, positive posts are the order of the day. There is no expectation of privacy using this tool.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Yes JS. I would not suggest public outbursts if we vent... fb is public... that's a big reason why it is recommended to not use fb to snoop or make "statements"...
and a problem is, it is possible that our intention is negative...
so no... a poking the bear in a public forum (like facebook) would not be good for anyone...
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
UPDATE 6:01pm Wow, I don't even want to talk to about the negativity my wife put out when she came to pick our son up. Everything that came out of her mouth was passive aggressive. The sad part is that she wasn't doing it directly to me, but at our son. For example, he started saying a funny new word (that his teacher and friends had been fooling around with): "Banana pants!!" So as we buckled him in her car, I said, "See you, Mr. Banana Pants!" He laughs and my wife goes, "Hmm, I don't know about that." I kept the tone positive for our son by adding, "Was Kaiden (our son's friend at daycare) Mr. Banana Shirt?" Our son laughs and says, "No, you ARE, daddy!"
I'm certain she's reacting to my custody filing. Or maybe she's just having another be-mean-to-alamo-and-see-how-he-reacts day.
