My wife is leaving me..

[MrBond]

I meant that your W was passive aggressive.

"it won't work. i'm a good man. that much i know."

This is real naive thinking. Sorry. There have been alot of 'good men' on here who believed the way you do and were shocked when their WAS had them thrown in jail. My W is the sweetest person in the world, but she threatened to call the cops on me for "withholding our kids". Protect yourself first.

"i still don't see how she thinks stuff was so bad."

It doesn't matter if you didn't see it. The point is that she did. Just because you've gotten an epiphany now doesn't erase years of abuse. She's afraid of being stuck in that old life and you really haven't given her any reason to believe otherwise. It takes alot of trust to earn back her trust.