I want to let you know I understand. I live in a small town too and I've spent the last year wanting to hide from everyone because Im just humiliated over what my Xh has done and with who!
But remind yourself of this. This is his choice. He did this. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Hold your head up high.
Small towns gossip, that's just the way they are. You know the truth of what's going on. It's something new to talk about, and then next thing you know everyone will be on to something else in a few weeks. You're real friends will come over and say Hi and give you a hug.
Now all that anger that you feel is turning into hatred... don't push it down and try to put it aside. Let is surface! A good way to let it out is to write an email/letter to H and just keep it. One time I did send one out to XH and it felt so good. All I got in return was more excuses, emotional unavailability, and blame. Think the bad thoughts that you need to, go find a private place and say the things you need to say (driving alone is excellent for this venting session)and of course call a friend or post here and let it out! After you feel better, then pray for help in moving past this anger.
This anger stage I've been going through for a couple of months and I've had to pray ALOT. I think Im finally approaching the shallow end of anger and looking at total acceptance now. But the only way I got here was just to let my anger surface and let it out. At first my anger was so intense and big that it scared me.
