IMHO one of the most important things that 25yearsmlc did was to stop thinking about her H and take care of herself. She got to the point where she realized that no matter what happened, she would be okay.
in 2 sentences, this^^^ summarizes my story.
(Geez Bond, good thing you don't get paid by the word)
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I really do feel like I have changed I am happier than I have been for awhile not because H is gone but I think for a long time I put myself last. Totally last.. I forgot who I was and in trying to make everyone else happy I made myself miserable. I was very angry and resentful at H. I do realize my role in how our marriage went wrong, I just wish we could have both tried to get things back on track. I really am not angry at my H anymore because I realized I was just hurting myself. He didn't care if I was angry or not... He was doing what he wanted to do. I am not saying he doesn't make me angry now or that I don't feel resentful that I am a single mom but when I feel that way I don't talk to H. I pass the phone onto the kids.
I know we will be ok without him I do but there is a part of me that misses him so much. Not this guy he is now but the man he was before. That man would have never left his kids and part of me thinks I will never be able to forget that he left not only me but our boys for another woman... I do understand how in the place he was at he could have taken attention from someone else and gone with it. I really do understand but I would have never left the kids. Never... Just not sure if I can get past that. Weird I can forgive another woman but not sure if I can forgive leaving the kids? We both had absent fathers and we had so many talks before having kids that no matter what we would be good active parents.
I have been doing most of those things, when I talk to him I am always chipper and never ask questions about his life. No idea if he has a job or what. Never ask what he is doing. I tell him tidbits about the kids and what they are up too. they don't talk much on the phone just too young and not big phone talkers. I guess I was doing well without knowing it!
His other compaints.. He had a lot because everything was my fault he has still taken no responsibilty in the M going bad. He blames me for everything. Or so he says. I think it is just an excuse I am the bad guy so he can justify leaving the kids and I. He said I didn't cook enough and I didn't pay enough attention to him and we didn't have enough sex. Not sure how to do a 180 on that!! Oh and I didn't let him pay the bills... that is my favorite one. He never once in 12 years wanted to be in charge of the bills but I didn't let him. Cracks me up! I think he felt I was controlling but things have to be done and I got tired of asking so I would just do things myself. Neither of us were great communicators, after awhile we both stopped complaining and thats when things got really bad. We both took each other for granted.
I really do think we could have gotten things back on track and got back to where we used to be if either of us would have actually told the other how unhappy we were instead of just going through the motions. I miss my friend the most. The one I could laugh and act silly with. I am really lonely for adult to do things with.
Ok I just wrote a book! Thanks 25yearsmlc I do appreciate your insight. I really do think there is a very tiny chance we will work things out but mostly I think it is done. I can't see him making such a huge move again. I do hope he finds happiness because right now he is very lost. I want him to be a dad to our boys and realize how important he is to them and I know for him to do that he has to figure out what is wrong with him and fix himself.
I do want him to come back more so for the boys than for me. I would never go back to how things were last year no matter what. I would rather be alone forever than feel like I did last year. I hated coming home it was like walking on eggshells, everything I did was wrong.
I hope he comes back to be their dad even if it is 5 years from now. They need a dad. I dont know how to teach a boy to be a man... I wanted us to be friends and co parent even if we did get a D. He kept telling me it was too hard to be friends?? umm you left me??
