Being thankful and praying

[angel61]

No problem, I appreciate it. As you said, each to his own, and we all have caveats in our situation that leads us to make certain decisions. Its always good to see how others think and do things..... I believe in havng a lot of options open.

There was a time when my self esteem would have taken such a nosedive contingent to what my H does. But one of the lessons I have learned through many people on this site, is that a lot comes from within ourselves - happiness, love for ourseves, etc. and that we do NOT need other people to complete us. And that is what I am working on, and believe me, I am making a lot of progress in that direction. That is why yes, I am doing fine - I don't even think of it now, I am able to work well, have a lot of happy moments with H and D together as a family.

There are caveats of course, in every relationshp that would determine what the actions of the LBS are, I think, and how much they are willing to take - if my H were physically abusing me, or mentally and emotionally abusing me on purpose, yes, I would not tolerate that. But he really does not. At this point, he does not really feel anything much for me, so could I force it? We have openly talked about how to work on gettng those feelings back. We both know it will take time, especially on his part. He knows having feelings for someone is wrong, and he has asked me to let him work on it, give him time. He once thought that he would never have a chance at happiness, because he was unhappy in our marriage, believing that there no longer was a chnace for love, but that he could not leave because of how his values and upbringing are. But after retrouvaille, he felt hopefull that one day those feelings would come back. But inspite of having no feelings for me at this point, he does take care of me.... he cooks for me everyday, even buys my favorite food, serves me at the table, is the breadwinner, doesn't spend on OW at all (the last time was more than a year ago when he sent her flowers on her bday).

What I have been told is piecing is hard. Expect many bbumps, expect backsliding, setbacks. Perhaps this is just one bump, among the many, that we will experience. But I do believe that he also has to suffer be able to see what the consequences are of setbacks, so I am not smoothing it out for him by not saying anything. I don't want to jump forward with my story, but I could see that H is now attempting to make amends and get back to where we were.

Oh, one more thing .... he does not go to OW's home country to visit her, it is for work. They have a research site there, and OW was one of their consultants who helps them recruit research subjects. I think she wants to go back to working with them, maybe an alternative motive for dating the boss.... I do not think well of OW obviously but I will let H find out about that on his own.

Anyways, I will soon post part 3, which I am working on.