I don’t even really know where to begin in writing this letter. I guess the best place to start would be in saying I’m sorry. I’ve taken a lot of time lately to reflect on our relationship together, and no matter which angle I view it from, I’m overwhelmed with the feeling of how badly I failed you. I failed you as a husband, and I failed you as a friend. I’m not sure if I was oblivious, ignorant, or whatever other description you could use that would have me neglect you like I did. I took you for granted. I regret it deeply, and if given the chance, I’d do so many things differently.
Even when things were really starting to break down, I was so steadfast in the belief that I was a good husband. While maybe I was a ‘good husband’, I was not a good husband for you. I was not in tune to what you needed. I gave you what I thought you needed, without ever figuring out if you were truly happy. I blamed our issues on you, even pressuring you to go for individual counseling while I stayed at home making half-hearted efforts to show you that I was still trying to fix things on my end. I behaved like a little boy that wasn’t getting what he wanted. It’s no wonder we couldn't turn things around then. It’s no wonder why you didn’t want to. I don't blame you.
Since separation, I’ve gone through a whirlwind of emotions, sometimes all in the same day. There has been so much I’ve learned about myself, and how much I still have to learn. How to be a better man, a better husband, a better soulmate. I’m working hard to become the man I’ve always wanted to be, and the man you thought I’d be when you gave me your hand in marriage. I’ve come to realize how complacent I became in our marriage. It’s like I believed that the work stopped after the wedding. Little did I know how that's precisely when the real work had to begin.
I want you to know how special you are to me. I still struggle with the thought of losing the most important person in my life. I know how difficult this has been for you. I think I understand why too, and how it would be hard for you to think about us being together again. The foundation required in a marriage was severely lacking in ours, and I know it would be a lot of work to strip away at what we had, to lay the groundwork for a stronger and more fulfilling marriage. I just want you to know that I want to do that work. I don’t feel ready to throw in the towel, and I don’t want give up on the belief of an awesome marriage with you, the love of my life.
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M:28 | W:28 | T:4.5 | M:2.5 | No Children EA1 Uncovered: Jun 2011 EA2 Uncovered: 2011-09-29 S: 2011-09-29 I'm moving on: 2012-05-08 My story: http://bit.ly/K3ttPM
