WHG: Looking for the shrinking cake

[workinghardguy]

Good point KD... I would say I have goals in all of those areas. Growing, detaching, and signs my W may want to move towards me.

In this case I'm only specifically referring to the last category. I'm actually pretty happy with progress in the other two areas. My GAL is increased, though there is still more to do. However, what I ultimately want out of GAL, more long-term friendships (and specifically male ones) take time. True relationship building takes time no matter what, so patience is a key. But I am happier with that facet of my life while acknowledging there is room to grow still.

Detaching... this last week I haven't done as well for some reason but overall I've felt much more at peace. She will do what she does, but I don't have to ride her rollercoaster. I think because my S has shown more dissatisfaction with the state of things in the past week that it's eating at me. But I feel much better than I ever used to. W still throws the occassional guilt trip comment or little barb into a comment. It might be about money, time, how tired she is, how hard this is, her stress, etc... in the past I would've fretted and worried. Heck, I can hear it in my mother (where I learned this from). She'll go on these rambling monologues about why is my W doing this, isn't it hard, what is she thinking. My response... I don't know and can't begin to so why spend the time.

It's the third category... the movement that frustrates me. But I have to remember that this is still new. It's just past 60 days since she moved out. That's really nothing in the scope of things. But it's frustrating too. I struggle with the reality that she may never come back. That thought used to incapacitate me. Now it just makes me profoundly sad. I suspect in due course it will just make me sad and then that too will lessen.